In Defense of Obama

By Bill Shein
August 2, 2011

Dudes, just hear me out on this debt “deal,” okay? Because NEXT time, Obama is seriously going to STAND HIS GROUND, man! You just wait. He’ll rebalance the tax code and finally get around to progressive priorities. Seriously, dudes, it’s what he really wants. That’s the REAL Barack Obama. Not the Obama who is – until next time! – helping shred the economic and social fabric of America for the benefit of a narrow elite.

C’mon, man, he was handed a raw deal, you know? He’s doing the best anyone could do. He saved global capitalism, remember? And dude, that’s a good thing, even if modern global capitalism is a species- and biosphere-destroying monstrosity that needs a fundamental overhaul. Later, okay? First we need to win in 2012.

I mean, the Republicans, and the Tea Party, well, how’s anyone supposed to deal with THEM, you know? They’re not rational. Someone has to be the adult, right?

But anyway, you just wait until that Congressional super-committee, evenly split between the parties, with the Republicans promising to appoint only anti-tax conservatives, comes back with its proposal. It’ll let the Bush tax cuts expire, even though Republicans keep winning, over and over again, by refusing, every time, to consider the long-overdue restoration of sane tax policy. You’ll see. It’s what Obama really wants, man. And he’ll make it happen. Regardless of all those high-dollar contributions rolling into his re-election campaign. He knows what he’s doing. He’s setting them up perfectly. It’s going to work. Just wait, okay?

Oh, and the coming “tax reform” won’t be a sham at all. Not this time. Seriously, man. Yeah, they’ll slash marginal rates for the wealthy and corporations, but they’ll also get rid of loopholes! And yes, I know those loopholes will make their way back into the tax code, and the rates will stay low, creating yet another debt crisis, and greater income and wealth inequality, and more money for the status-quo powers to use to buy off the whole system, but seriously, dude, trust me. OBAMA KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING! He’s, like, six chess moves ahead, man! He’s the Garry Kasparov of American politics. You’ll see. Just wait.

When will Obama’s liberal critics just shut up, you know? They make the perfect the enemy of the good. I mean, look at all the good in this debt-ceiling deal. Seriously, check out the big wins for progressives. They’re all over this deal! There are so many that I won’t even try to list them! And he forced the Republicans to cave on, um, well, I’m sure they caved on something. Must have.

In any event, the most important thing is to get Obama re-elected. Sew-up those independents, man. And raise a billion dollars. In his second term, you just WAIT. That’s when the totally amazing stuff is going to rain down on America, leaving those unreasonable GOPers in the dust! In the meantime we just have to suck it up for the greater good. But only for a bit longer.

CUT TO: December, 2016

Seriously, dude, Obama is going to be an AWESOME ex-president, and that’s when he’s REALLY going to make a difference. Next month he’ll be free of the constraints of the White House, and politics, and he’s going to make Bill Clinton look like a do-nothing ex-president. You just wait. Seriously. That $10 million book deal and those $100,000 speeches will give him the bank to be free – finally! – of all the nonsense he PRETENDED to believe so he could get elected twice, you know? The voting electorate is narrow, my man. Not representative of everyone in America. Getting worse. That’s the reality. You gotta play to the few who still vote if you want to win.

I mean, sure, Obama was only able to take the worst financial crisis in 75 years, and big Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, and use them to enact marginal changes, most of which were quickly watered down by lobbyists. And he did little to slow catastrophic climate change. But now that he’s wrapping up his second term, he’s seriously going to MAKE … IT … HAPPEN!

Hang in there, okay? Just wait. Cut the guy a break. He’s on our side. Give him time. Be patient. Seriously.

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Bill Shein is considering a run against President Obama in next year’s New Hampshire primary. Seriously!


A Dreamy Presidential Debate

By Bill Shein
June 15, 2011

Like dozens of Americans, on Monday night I set aside any number of worthwhile pursuits to watch the first “debate” among seven candidates seeking the Republican nomination for president. It was hosted by CNN, a “news” network that successfully merged the seriousness of the presidency with a Times Square-esque debate stage modeled after a television game show. Let’s say it together: “Classy!”

Watching the candidates amidst red, white, and blue graphics projected onto 4.2 million flat-screen televisions, I quickly felt overwhelming fatigue. The moving camera shots, the awkward perma-smile of Mitt Romney, the habit of Rep. Michele Bachmann to look up at a TV monitor rather than into the camera – it created a powerful anesthetic that I’ve already patented for use during long surgeries.

Soon I was in that half-awake, half-dreaming state the entire nation experienced during the height of the 1990s dot-com boom and the 2000s housing bubble. (And don’t forget the run-up to the Iraq War, too!) The candidates’ predictable blather and the preposterous game-show format began to merge with my dreams, and, more or less, here’s what happened next:

CNN HOST JOHN KING: And we’re back, which means it’s time to ask another incredibly important question. Is it about climate change? Permanent war? Wealth inequality? Nope. Congressman Ron Paul, answer me this: Blackberry or iPhone?

(A cartoon bubble appears over PAUL’s head. It reads, “I have no idea what he’s talking about. ‘Blackberry’ is that tasty little fruit I sometimes mix into my morning oatmeal, along with prunes. An ‘Eye Phone’ sounds like a futuristic contact lens. But I really have no idea. I will, therefore, guess.”)

PAUL: Blackberry?

(The debate continues, with the candidates rambling on and on, ignoring KING’s efforts to keep answers to 30 seconds.)

KING: Will anyone observe the 30-second limit? Even once?

CANDIDATES (together): No!

KING: Okay, just checking. Former Sen. Rick Santorum, throughout this debate you’ve worn a pained expression. Why? Did you undergo dental surgery moments before we began?

SANTORUM: Actually, yes. Four root canals. Without anesthesia. (He motions off-stage.) Right there, back stage.

KING: Whoa. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, do you believe states should choose whether to allow same-sex marriage?

BACHMANN: Yes. That’s for states to decide.

KING: But you support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, yes?

BACHMANN: Yes, I do.

KING: So, um, that wouldn’t really leave it up to the states, would it? You’re not being consistent, Congresswoman.

BACHMANN: John, as I often tell my 439 foster children, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” Ralph Waldo Emerson said that a long time ago.

KING (exasperated): Yeah, but, well, anyway. Herman Cain, former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, when you say that a president needs to “identify the problem” and “get the right people together” to address the issues, what exactly do you mean? Can you be more specific?

CAIN: My point is that we simply need to identify the problem, get the right people together, and then address the issues. And that’s what I’ll do as president! But I won’t appoint Muslims. Just FYI.

KING (after a beat): Um, okay.

(To great applause, the famed psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud appears on stage.)

FREUD: Can each of you please share your feelings about the Weiner?

JAY LENO (appearing suddenly): Hey, stop stealing my gags, Freud!

KING: Mr. Freud, Mr. Leno, please. I’ll have to ask you to leave the stage. We must address important questions! To that point: Former Speaker Newt Gingrich, which do you prefer: “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars”?

GINGRICH (removing a jeweler’s loupe from his eye): John, have you ever considered a small diamond stud earring? I think it would look terrific. I’ll buy you one and charge it to my account.

LENO (chuckling): Hey, that’s pretty good. Newt, after you don’t win the presidency, you should write for my show!

(Suddenly, BILL SHEIN appears on stage at an eighth lectern. He is wearing a colorful Hawaiian shirt, an enormous cowboy hat, and large, fuzzy, après-ski boots.)

KING: Bill Shein, if elected president, you’ve promised to create millions of manufacturing jobs in just six weeks. How?

SHEIN (modeling his outfit): Hawaiian shirts, my man. We’ve got to get back to doing things that no other country can do. First on that list? The creation of hideously ugly clothing.

KING: And after Hawaiian shirts?

SHEIN (smiling): The return of the fanny pack, brother. It’s going to be huge! While China is wasting time making solar panels and wind turbines, we’ll be cranking out Fanny Pack 2.0 by the millions!

(Cheering audience members rush the stage, lift SHEIN onto their shoulders, and carry him back stage. They pass LENO and FREUD in a loving embrace, an unoccupied dental chair, and a BACHMANN staffer holding a sign that says, “DON’T FORGET TO LOOK INTO THE CAMERA!”)

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Bill Shein believes television coverage of public affairs has reached absurd new heights.

SUPPORT THIS WORK: Help fund distribution of Bill’s upcoming book about democracy reform by making a $2-to-$12 donation here. Thanks to “crowd-funding,” the e-book verison will be available for free. Thanks for your support!

A Better Redistricting Plan

By Bill Shein
June 7, 2011

There’s something odd on the Web site of the Massachusetts Legislature’s Special Joint Committee on Redistricting, which will hold a public hearing this Saturday in Pittsfield. The description of the event says, in part, “The Committee will solicit testimony on the division of the Commonwealth into: (a) Nine Congressional districts under the United States Constitution.”

What’s odd is that the Constitution says nothing about how many districts Massachusetts should have after a census. Of course, given all the political chatter about which current House member may find his or her district eliminated, it’s understandable that nearly everyone believes we must have nine Congressional districts.

Members of the committee, however, certainly know otherwise. The Constitution simply apportions to Massachusetts nine members of the federal House of Representatives – and that doesn’t require nine districts.

Why is this important? Because lost in the usual redistricting nonsense is a broader debate about the inadequate, outmoded, and generally poor representation provided by what are called “single-member, winner-take-all” districts.

Win a slim majority of votes – or just a plurality in a field of three or more candidates – and you get 100 percent of the representation. Those who didn’t vote for the winner – sometimes a significant majority in a large field of candidates – are left without a voice at the legislative table. That’s “representative” democracy?

Take, for example, voters in the first Congressional district who don’t care for the views of Rep. John Olver. That would likely include most conservatives, Republicans, Libertarians, Greens, and those progressive Democrats who see Olver as a creature of the narrow status quo in Washington. Indeed, he raises hundreds of thousands of dollars from business- and military-related PACs, a sure sign that he won’t rock the boat very much – especially when that boat is a locally produced warship.

So, if you don’t agree with John Olver, who represents your views in Congress? No one. To have someone from western Massachusetts advocate for your point of view, the only option is to defeat Olver – a requirement that creates bitter, largely unproductive political divisiveness.

There are, however, some alternatives. One option is for Massachusetts to create multi-member “super districts.” For example, Massachusetts could draw three large Congressional districts instead of nine smaller ones. In each district, we’d elect three representatives – a total of nine members of Congress, as apportioned under law.

(Note that Massachusetts, like many other states, formerly used multi-member districts in its legislature.)

A variety of voting systems could be used, e.g. cumulative voting, in which every voter has three votes to allocate as desired, and the result would be that far more of us would have an actual representative in Washington. In the western Massachusetts super-district, we might elect two Democrats and one Republican. Or perhaps a Green-Rainbow candidate, a Republican, and a Democrat – combinations that reflect our diversity of views.

Now, that may sound dangerously like representative democracy – which is why it’s not on the legislature’s agenda. The goal of partisan redistricting in Massachusetts and elsewhere has little to do with fair representation and everything to do with preserving entrenched power.

Of course, representative governance depends on many things; the electoral system is just one factor. And there are legitimate questions about whether multi-member districts would properly protect the voting rights of racial minorities, especially given Massachusetts’ history of diluting the influence of these voters. (Such districts might, in fact, enhance their representation.)

But it’s remarkable that in the midst of nationwide redistricting, Americans remain largely unaware of better options. Few of our outdated political structures – most notably our winner-take-all legislative districts and the convoluted, undemocratic Electoral College system – are used in other modern democracies. Why? Because they don’t provide full, equal, and effective representation.

In the 1780s, the system created by the Founders was groundbreaking in many ways, to be sure. But today, there are much-improved alternatives.

Defenders of the status quo often suggest that the current electoral system ensures “stability.” Which is another way to say that it makes substantial change slow and difficult. For those who benefit most under the current state of affairs, slowing or preventing change is quite desirable. For everyone else? Um, not so much.

Among voters who believe big change is required to address our escalating economic and environmental crises, reforming outdated democratic structures must become a top priority. Even if this year’s partisan redistricting in Massachusetts will be more of the same, it could spark an urgent discussion of future improvements to our not-so-representative democracy.

(UPDATE: As Steve Chessin righty notes in the comments, there is a federal law that currently prevents legislatures from pursuing these ideas for better representation in Congress. That law should be repealed, of course.)

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Bill Shein eats broken electoral systems for breakfast.

SUPPORT THIS WORK: Help fund distribution of Bill’s upcoming book about democracy reform by making a $2-to-$12 donation here. Thanks to “crowd-funding,” the e-book verison will be available for free. Thanks for your support!