By Bill Shein
August 2, 2011
Dudes, just hear me out on this debt “deal,” okay? Because NEXT time, Obama is seriously going to STAND HIS GROUND, man! You just wait. He’ll rebalance the tax code and finally get around to progressive priorities. Seriously, dudes, it’s what he really wants. That’s the REAL Barack Obama. Not the Obama who is – until next time! – helping shred the economic and social fabric of America for the benefit of a narrow elite.
C’mon, man, he was handed a raw deal, you know? He’s doing the best anyone could do. He saved global capitalism, remember? And dude, that’s a good thing, even if modern global capitalism is a species- and biosphere-destroying monstrosity that needs a fundamental overhaul. Later, okay? First we need to win in 2012.
I mean, the Republicans, and the Tea Party, well, how’s anyone supposed to deal with THEM, you know? They’re not rational. Someone has to be the adult, right?
But anyway, you just wait until that Congressional super-committee, evenly split between the parties, with the Republicans promising to appoint only anti-tax conservatives, comes back with its proposal. It’ll let the Bush tax cuts expire, even though Republicans keep winning, over and over again, by refusing, every time, to consider the long-overdue restoration of sane tax policy. You’ll see. It’s what Obama really wants, man. And he’ll make it happen. Regardless of all those high-dollar contributions rolling into his re-election campaign. He knows what he’s doing. He’s setting them up perfectly. It’s going to work. Just wait, okay?
Oh, and the coming “tax reform” won’t be a sham at all. Not this time. Seriously, man. Yeah, they’ll slash marginal rates for the wealthy and corporations, but they’ll also get rid of loopholes! And yes, I know those loopholes will make their way back into the tax code, and the rates will stay low, creating yet another debt crisis, and greater income and wealth inequality, and more money for the status-quo powers to use to buy off the whole system, but seriously, dude, trust me. OBAMA KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING! He’s, like, six chess moves ahead, man! He’s the Garry Kasparov of American politics. You’ll see. Just wait.
When will Obama’s liberal critics just shut up, you know? They make the perfect the enemy of the good. I mean, look at all the good in this debt-ceiling deal. Seriously, check out the big wins for progressives. They’re all over this deal! There are so many that I won’t even try to list them! And he forced the Republicans to cave on, um, well, I’m sure they caved on something. Must have.
In any event, the most important thing is to get Obama re-elected. Sew-up those independents, man. And raise a billion dollars. In his second term, you just WAIT. That’s when the totally amazing stuff is going to rain down on America, leaving those unreasonable GOPers in the dust! In the meantime we just have to suck it up for the greater good. But only for a bit longer.
CUT TO: December, 2016
Seriously, dude, Obama is going to be an AWESOME ex-president, and that’s when he’s REALLY going to make a difference. Next month he’ll be free of the constraints of the White House, and politics, and he’s going to make Bill Clinton look like a do-nothing ex-president. You just wait. Seriously. That $10 million book deal and those $100,000 speeches will give him the bank to be free – finally! – of all the nonsense he PRETENDED to believe so he could get elected twice, you know? The voting electorate is narrow, my man. Not representative of everyone in America. Getting worse. That’s the reality. You gotta play to the few who still vote if you want to win.
I mean, sure, Obama was only able to take the worst financial crisis in 75 years, and big Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, and use them to enact marginal changes, most of which were quickly watered down by lobbyists. And he did little to slow catastrophic climate change. But now that he’s wrapping up his second term, he’s seriously going to MAKE … IT … HAPPEN!
Hang in there, okay? Just wait. Cut the guy a break. He’s on our side. Give him time. Be patient. Seriously.
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Bill Shein is considering a run against President Obama in next year’s New Hampshire primary. Seriously!
