Will Markson for President
Pre-Announcement Speech

MARCH 12, 2003 -- After months of serious consideration, consultations with family and friends, communing with nature, the establishment and subsequent disbanding of several "exploratory" committees, an occasional nap, and a bizarre ceremony involving chicken bones and a hair from the head of every other candidate, Will Markson has decided to run for president. Following is the text of Will Markson's address to supporters announcing his plan to announce.

Good afternoon.

As many of you know, since early this year I have been considering a run for the presidency of the United States.

It is not an adventure to be embarked upon lightly, but instead, with the utmost seriousness, respect, and humility. In fact, as the nearly bald American president, Dwight D. Eisenhower, once remarked, "I thought it completely absurd to mention my name in the same breath as the presidency." And so too do I -- and I say that as a man who still has most of his hair.

I did not end 2002 with any thoughts of running for president. I believe it was USA Today that first reported my Christmas Day comment -- to reporters camped out on my lawn -- that "I have no plans to run for president, no plans to make plans, no plans to make plans to make plans, and ... seriously, I could keep going here, but I think you get my point."

It was also USA Today that reported my statement that I have long had a secret desire to appear on "Married by America." If nothing else, that widely-heard remark -- meant of course as a joke -- and the ensuing controversy taught me to be more aware of when I might be near an open microphone, particularly those that have been placed throughout my home and office as part of the C-Span reality TV show, "Will Markson 24/7."

But frankly, my friends, it was hard to look away as the grassroots "Draft Will Markson" effort gained momentum, support, and media attention.

Or when leaders from around the country -- many of whom I greatly admire, respect, or owe money to -- began to call and urge me to run.

Or when little Susie Johansen, age nine, sent me a beautiful crayon drawing that showed me taking the presidential oath of office, and on which she had written, "Please run for president, Mr. Markson. America needs you more than ever. Besides, if you don't run, I'll tell everyone in my class that you're a complete jackass."

Children truly are our future.

Finally, when I learned from the World Book Encyclopedia (2002 edition) that the President of the United States is paid $400,000 per year -- instantly putting him or her among the top one percent of American wage-earners -- it became clear that I could no longer ignore the rising tide of interest in a Markson candidacy. After all, have you noticed what's been happening to the tax rate for the top one percent of Americans? I think you see my point.

Now, as many of you know -- though not necessarily the same "many of you" I mentioned a few minutes ago -- I have no higher public commitment than my ongoing effort to expand participation in American democracy.

To promote common sense ideas that will increase voter turnout and civic participation.

To address the mindless partisanship that has made electoral campaigns and the process of governing itself about little more than winning and losing, turning off millions of voters in the process.

And to show how vastly increasing participation will give us a more responsive government that is committed to finding solutions to the problems that average Americans face every day.

And my friends, I've decided that a presidential campaign is the best way for me to bring this important message to millions of Americans. Especially since I learned earlier today that Fox has turned down my pitch for "World's Scariest Speeches About Vastly Increasing Voter Participation in America IV."

So, I'm here today to announce that this summer, with family and friends at my side, and curious onlookers listening, nodding politely, and then backing away slowly, I plan to formally throw my hat into the ring as a candidate for President of the United States.

My friends, I'm running to win. But if not to win, then I'm running for president to not lose too badly. And if not to not lose too badly, then I hope to at least cover my expenses.

I look forward to seeing you all on the campaign trail.

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