Ye Olde Column Archive

2008

The 'Truth' About Obama - He's a secret Muslim! He hates America! And our "news" outlets are "reporting" these rumors as "news." What gives? (3/03/08)

Questions for the Candidates - Can we get down to some real questions (and answers), please? Hello? Anyone? Bueller? (2/11/08)

2007

I Am Not Gay - In the wake of the Larry Craig affair, let me say that "I am not gay." But I might be. Or I might not. Does it matter? (9/03/07)

Tommy, We Hardly Knew Ye - A little-known presidential candidate bows out of the race. (8/16/07)

The Abridged 'Harry Potter' - Everything you need to know. And don't worry: no spoilers here, nerds. (7/26/07)

Planning the Libby Pardon - Game on! (6/9/07)

Last Newspaper Reporter Fired - The quest for media profits reaches its logical conclusion. (5/29/07)

A Perfectly Normal Reaction - How to respond to a power failure without any "grace under pressure." (5/19/07)

The Real "Prescription for Chaos" - A press release from "GWB Global" helps explain a lot. (5/5/07)

My Red Wine Experiment - Incredible strength from drinking a lot of red wine? Sure, I'll give that a try. (4/27/07)

Enough About the Weather! - Yes, yes, we know. This cold and snowy and rainy spring weather is lame. (4/18/07)

Defining the Top One Percent - Not sure if you're among the nation's economic elite? This may help. (4/9/07)

Lone Senator Backs Gonzales - Only one senator still supports the attorney general. And you'll be surprised to discover who it is. (3/30/07)

Stranded on the Tarmac - Bill's incredible story of being stuck on an airplane for a long, long time. (3/26/07)

Even More Unlikely Love - The weirdest ongoing love story in American newspapers continues. (3/19/07)

Mr. Bush's Dangerous Budget - Anybody up for some more war? (2/10/07)

Eulogy for a Friend - A few thoughts about my pal, Coltrane. (1/5/07)

2006

Last-Minute Gift Ideas - Our third annual list of ideas for the politically minded shopper. (12/22/06)

Broken Train Doesn't Fly - Better explanations for the "mysterious noise" heard by Pittsfield residents in recent days. (11/17/06)

My Concession Speech - It was a good run. (11/07/06)

The No Candor Zone - Did I say that? Just kidding! (10/27/06)

Peace One Day? - On the International Day of Peace... (9/20/06)

'Path to 9/11' Deleted Scenes - Just what did ABC change? (9/13/06)

So Long for Now, Berkshires - A fond farewell to Bill's adopted home town. (5/28/06)

Amendments We Need - If the U.S. Senate is going to waste time on foolish constitutional amendments, why not these? (5/24/06)

Pliocene Epoch Personal Ads - Everyone, no matter what species, needs a little love sometimes. (5/21/06)

Phone Company Privacy FAQ - Answers to the questions that millions of Americans are asking. (5/17/06)

'Da Vinci Code' Inaccuracies - It's blasphemy! Or is it? (5/14/06)

Karl Rove's Schedule - What's he do all day, anyway? (5/10/06)

An Open Letter to the Black Flies - Must you bite us? (5/7/06)

David Blaine's Ho-Hum Stunts - It's all been done before. (5/3/06)

Tips for Better Phone Etiquette - A little bit of friendly advice. (4/30/06)

"We're Running Out of Time" - A powerful member of Congress lays it on the line. (4/26/06)

Business as Usual When China Visits - What are these "human rights" you speak of? (4/23/06)

The War on Justice - Widespread incarceration is not social policy we should tolerate. (4/19/06)

Tax Filing Do's and Don'ts - Some last-minute advice. (4/16/06)

After This, What's Next? - If Apple's new computers can run Windows, what does this end to a bitter rivalry mean for the future? (4/9/06)

The Dark Side of Sudoku - The seemingly benign numerical puzzle has a sordid past. (4/5/06)

Some Newly Opened Businesses - A quick tour of some new ventures in Berkshire County, Massachusetts. (3/29/06)

'Rise Up in Protest,' Indeed - Today, are we totally powerless? Complacent? Unwilling to take a stand? (3/26/06)

Reality Bites - The vice president's view of Iraq and the world. (3/22/06)

You Will Not Defeat Us - On the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, the winds of change are blowing here at home. (3/19/06)

Celebrating "Sunshine Week" - The White House schedule of events celebrating open government. (3/15/06)

Where's My Twenty Bucks? - With melting snow comes the discovery, we hope, of some missing cash. (3/12/06)

Some More Free Advice - A little more "wisdom," gratis. (3/5/06)

Prayer for the Status Quo - You won't hear this one in church. (3/1/06)

The Secret Katrina Response - What was going on behind the scenes as Katrina slammed the Gulf Coast? (2/26/06)

My Dinner with Jack - Dining with disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff before his fall. (2/22/06)

A Better Presidents' Day - Here's a way to honor Washington and Lincoln and also improve American democracy. (2/19/06)

Dick Cheney's Apology - A letter Dick Cheney might have written after he shot that guy. (2/15/06)

The Meaning of Valentine's Day - Love, romance, and arguments about dinner reservations. (2/12/06)

Playing the 'Not a Lawyer' Card - The fallback position for explaining executive-branch shenanigans. (2/8/06)

Warm Weather is Cold Comfort - What's with this balmy winter weather in the Berkshires? It just ain't right. (2/5/06)

I'm Not Buying a Mac - Seriously, I'm not. (2/1/06)

Can You Hear Me Now? - Questions about the president's eavesdropping program. (1/29/06)

I Can't Quit Saying You - A few words about the latest movie catch phrase. (1/25/06)

Down the Slippery Slope - How to tell if your beloved country has become a "rogue state." (1/22/06)

Frontier 'Justice' Goes Global - Our "war on terror" sacrifices our longstanding notions of law and justice. (1/18/06)

Henry Needledorf's Nuclear Ambitions - What happens when a meek New Yorker announces his "nuclear ambitions?" (1/15/06)

'What is TimesSelect?' - Highlights from the marketing brochure used to sell the new premium nytimes.com service. (1/11/06)

Handicapping the Oscars - Picks in a few of the less-well-known categories. (1/8/06)

Blast from the Past - An e-mail from five years ago turns out to be eerily prescient. (1/4/06)

My New Year's Resolutions - It's that time of year again. (1/1/06)

2005

An American Intervention - What happens when 300 million Americans confront their democracy? (12/28/05)

Urgent Questions About Christmas - Just how does Santa determine who's been naughty and/or nice? (12/25/05)

Last-Minute Gift Ideas - Our annual recommendations for the procrastinators out there. (12/21/05)

2006: The Year in Review - Once again, we look forward through the looking glass. (12/18/05)

Take My Word For It - With "buzz marketing," deception makes further inroads into American life. (12/14/05)

Fighting the "War on Christmas" - The founding document of the movement to protect the phrase, "Merry Christmas." (12/11/05)

Another Unlikely Love Story - Some call Bill's love life "odd." And it may just be. (12/7/05)

All News is Good News - One example of the stories we're planting in Iraqi newspapers. (12/4/05)

Revenge of the Hunted - When a wounded bear gets even with the hunter that shot him, the conversation can be lively.(11/30/05)

How to Save Newspapers - A few ideas to keep newspapers alive and kicking. (11/27/05)

Scenes from Thanksgiving - A quick rundown of what's about to happen. (11/23/05)

Holiday Season Do's and Dont's - More helpful Reason Gone Mad advice, this time for the holiday season. (11/20/05)

New from C-SPAN! - Groundbreaking topical programming now airing on America's favorite public-affairs network! (11/16/05)

A Dangerous Political Lesson - Why injecting more religion into politics is not the answer for Democrats. (11/13/05)

Preventing Identity Theft - A few helpful hints to protect your identity from those who would take it. (11/9/05)

There's Something About Fall - Autumn sure brings out the "best" in us, doesn't it? (11/6/05)

Defending Record Profits - A little perspective on ExxonMobil's $9.9 billion third-quarter profit. (11/2/05)

Me and Garrison - A letter from a disgruntled fan. (10/30/05)

Scoring the Miers Hearings - Play along at home! (10/26/05)

Just Say Yes to Drugs - The pharmaceutical companies' latest offerings. (10/23/05)

The GOP Scandal Quiz - Test your knowledge of the accelerating GOP scandals! (10/19/05)

Redefining 'Pro-Life' - It's long past time to expand what the term "pro-life" means. (10/16/05)

Replacing "Nightline"- If ABC kills off "Nightline," what might replace it? (10/12/05)

Danger in Our Midst - Pittsfield Police fight the "terrorists." (10/9/05)

First Thoughts on Miers - A longtime corporate lawyer and political crony for the highest court? That's a bad choice. (10/5/05)

'Intelligent Design' Explains All - Welcome, friends, to "Scopes Trial 2: Now with Non-Scientific Science!" (10/2/05)

Coping with High Gas Prices - A few tips for surviving in the age of expensive gasoline. (9/28/05)

The Secret of World Peace - The obvious and surprisingly simple and slightly absurd answer to ending war and violence. (9/25/05)

Political Cover, Part Two - The post-Katrina White House agenda. (9/21/05)

The Roberts Hearings (In Brief) - A summary. (9/18/05)

Sleeping Out for RBG - Do Supreme Court justices have groupies? (9/14/05)

Democracy After Katrina - To right the nation's priorities, fix our elections. (9/11/05)

White House is Declared a Federal Disaster Area - The people of the Gulf Coast have their say. (9/7/05)

Government is the Solution - Disasters like Katrina make the case for electing leaders willing to use the tools of government. (9/4/05)

Honoring Labor Day - The state of working America as Labor Day rolls around again. (8/31/05)

Soaking Up Rays at Lake Garfield - Bill shares some questionable history about his town's little lake. (8/28/05)

Vacation Do's and Don'ts - Some useful advice for enjoying time away from work, school, or the White House. (8/24/05)

The Little-Known Roberts Memos - More samples of the Supreme Court nominee's work. (8/21/05)

Alumni News and Notes - Those college alumni magazines can really chip away at your self-esteem. (8/17/05)

Preparing for Our Robot Future - Twenty modern laws for robots to obey. (8/14/05)

And Democracy for Some - And yet again we bow down, literally and figuratively, to the Saudi royal family. (8/10/05)

Can't We All Just Get Along? - It's New Yorkers vs. the locals in the Berkshires. (8/7/05)

The Quotable Bush - Which of these are real and which ones are fictional? (8/3/05)

Surviving Hard-Drive Grief - A disk crash, a plaintive wail, then a flood of tears. Or something. (7/31/05)

The Wrong Values - Why Wall Street (and business reporters) get it wrong. (7/27/05)

Air Travel in a Nutshell - The airline experience, summarized. (7/24/05)

"Defending Rove: The Movie" - Drama in the Oval Office. (7/20/05)

Violence, Inc. - Our inexplicable acceptance of all things violent allows things like the Iraq war to happen. (7/17/05)

Rethinking Gay Marriage - A quick survey of the civilization-ending impact of gay marriage. (7/13/05)

Unusual Soups for Your Soul - A long-overdue take on "Chicken Soup for the Soul" (7/10/05)

A Few Supreme Choices - It's time to cast a wide net as the president searches for the next Supreme Court justice. (7/6/05)

The End is Near! - If 10 new plagues came our way, what might they be? (7/3/05)

Enough is Enough - If we can't get democracy to work for everyone in the capital, how can we get it to work anywhere else? (6/29/05)

A Musical Mystery - Some music for the ages goes missing. Did you take it? (6/26/05)

The Elements of Guile - A primer on writing and editing for Bush administration employees. (6/22/05)

A Friendly Invitation - Former President Bush invites his new pal, former President Clinton, to the family compound. (6/19/05)

Some Products We Need - Technology alone can't save us, but here are a few things that might be fun to have. (6/15/05)

Taking Us Down the Wrong Road - Jane, stop this crazy thing! (6/12/05)

Nothing to See Here - The Internet gets a suggestive new name. (6/8/05)

Like I Said: I'm Not 'Deep Throat' - After 30 years, the longstanding mystery is solved. (6/5/05)

Free Advice - A few useful tidbits. (6/1/05)

A Conversation with Voyager 1 - After 28 years in space, Voyager 1 finally speaks out. (5/29/05)

America the Torturer - Torture, schmorture! (5/25/05)

An Open Letter to the President - The president's words vs. deeds on democracy and freedom. (5/22/05)

What's the Hurry? - An encounter with a speeding SUV. (5/18/05)

Getting the News That's Fit to Print - How much of our local paper should be devoted to global news? (5/15/05)

A Palace of our Own - Plans for our new "embassy" in Iraq. (5/11/05)

Coming Soon to the ER! - A feature film about health care? (5/8/05)

A Peaceful Distraction - A little bird returns to her nest. (5/4/05)

A Whole Lot of Wasted Energy - Produce! Consume! Produce! Consume! And more follies of so-called "energy policy." (5/1/05)

Iraq's Children - Hunger and starvation is on the rise among Iraqi children. Thanks, war! (4/27/05)

Some Thoughts on Springtime - So long, winter! And good riddance! (4/24/05)

Unanswered Questions - Getting answers means asking the right questions. (4/20/05)

Good Jobs at Good Wages - Are they out there? If so, where? (4/17/05)

New Thinking on Taxes - With so-called "tax simplification" on the horizon, working people should be afraid, very afraid. (4/13/05)

Sightseeing and Surgery - A look at the increasingly popular vacation option known as "medical tourism." (4/10/05)

Not So Bright - Go easy on those high beams, sparky. (4/6/05)

Back to the Future, Again - NASA announces a nifty new contest for science nerds. (4/3/05)

Politics for Kids - A few explanations to help young people understand today's headlines. (3/30/05)

The Danger of Diaries - Keeping a journal can be bad for your health. (3/27/05)

How to Buy Wine - Part Two - Tips for ordering wine in a restaurant. (3/23/05)

How to Buy Wine - Part One - How to pick a bottle of wine like a pro. (3/16/05)

Not-so-hard Time - Martha heads home to complete her "sentence." (3/9/05)

A Few More 'Nuclear Options' - Other changes to Senate rules we might soon see. (3/6/05)

Power to the Powerful! - Why the "reform" coming out of Congress is not the kind of "reform" we need. (3/2/05)

Wrestling: The Next Generation - With "The Rock" out of the picture, here are a few ideas for new wrestling characters. (2/23/05)

A Few Words From "The Man" - The language of our new American plutocracy, a.k.a. The New Gilded Age. (2/20/05)

The Price of Discounts - The not-so-startling truth about those supermarket "discount" cards. (2/16/05)

A Better WAMC - Ideas to improve WAMC Northeast Public Radio (2/9/05)

Peter Larkin's New Clients - More bad news about Peter Larkin's new gig as a lobbyist -- for the bad guys -- at ML Strategies. (2/6/05)

'Fund Drive' - A Radio Drama - The insanity of WAMC (and its fund drives). (2/2/05)

Accounting for WMDs - How -- and why -- did we blow millions on the "search" for WMDs? (1/26/05)

Peter Larkin's $1,592 Bonus - A prime example of what's wrong with our democracy. (1/23/05)

News from Titan - What really happened when our space probe landed on Saturn's largest moon? (1/19/05)

'Beloved' Speakers for Hire - Since when is a White House press secretary 'beloved'? Because if one was, that would mean... (1/12/05)

The Non-Wealthy Barber - A look back from the future that private Social Security accounts would create. (1/9/05)

Celebrating Access, Honoring Wealth - Join the fun at the upcoming presidential inauguration! (1/5/05)

2004

Economic Resolutions for America - These are ones we'll definitely want to keep. (12/29/04)

The Universe, Explained - With the Evolution vs. Creationism debate raging, here are a few other explanations for human life. (12/26/04)

Last Minute Gift Ideas - With just hours to go before the big day, here are some extremely timely and topical gifts. (12/22/04)

An Unlikely Love Story - When he least expects it, Bill meets someone special -- and the sparks fly. (12/15/04)

2005: The Year in Review - Huh? 2005 in REVIEW? But how is that possib-**OOF!**(12/12/04)

Loose Lips Spill Tips - The full, unedited story of Tommy Thompson and the safety of our food supply. (12/8/04)

'Revenue Neutral' is a Farce - Why the phrase "revenue neutral" is a dangerous deception. (12/1/04)

Slow Down, Clown! - Bill proposes a unique way to enforce the speed limit in his small Massachusetts town. (11/28/04)

I Support the Troops - A passionate call for a different way. (11/24/04)

Not 'A Good Thing' - Why are so many people obsessed with celebrities like Martha Stewart? (11/17/04)

Rejection Slip(s) - Why won't The New Yorker print this? (11/14/04)

Kerry Wins! - A close election in a parallel universe provides an interesting comparison to our own election results. (11/10/04)

Signs of Campaign Withdrawal - Now that the election is over, here are signs that you're suffering from withdrawal. (11/3/04)

Undecided on the Undecided - Just what information do these people still need to make up their minds? (10/31/04)

Election Day Do's and Don'ts - A handy clip-and-save guide to getting through "the most important election in our lifetimes!!!" (10/27/04)

The Escher School of Journalism - Why today's campaign coverage is reminiscent of M.C. Escher's self-referential work. (10/20/04)

Waiting for Salinger - Just what has J.D. Salinger been writing up there in his New Hampshire hideaway for the last 50 years? (10/17/04)

Did You Register? - Here are just some of the reasons we need Election Day Registration in every state. (10/13/04)

Bush or 'Animal Farm'? - Is the president using George Orwell's satiric fable as the blueprint for his re-election campaign? (10/6/04)

Getting Carded - Who knew that it would be so hard to get a library card in Bill's tiny little town. (10/3/04)

Expectation Nation - In the run-up to the first presidential debate, it's amazing what they'll do to lower expectations. (9/29/04)

A Touch of Security - With its new invasive pat-down searches, the TSA is getting awfully friendly with air travelers. (9/22/04)

Starbucks in Heaven (Act I) - Imagine, if you will, that Moses, Jesus, Buddha and Muhammad meet for coffee ... (9/19/04)

What's in Our Water? - Is there something in our nation's water supply that has been making us all loopy? (9/15/04)

Seventh Grade, 2004 - Life sure can be hectic for today's 7th graders. Here's what their average day looks like. (9/8/04)

(Sarcasm Mine) - With his trademark sarcastic outrage, Bill lets fly on the state of America. (9/1/04)

Interview with 'The Scream' - Stolen from a museum last week, Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' lets everyone know he's okay. (8/25/04)

Be Afraid, Very Afraid - While fear may be today's tool of choice for politicians, there are many other things to be afraid of. (8/22/04)

A Little Bedtime Reading - A new company in New York City is selling -- selling! -- 20-minute naps. A report and analysis. (8/18/04)

Campaign Quiz-O-Rama - Test your knowledge of the unfolding presidential campaign with this handy multiple-choice quiz. (8/11/04)

Goodbye, Stephen Hawking - The world-renowned physicist changes his tune about black holes with little regard for the impact. (7/29/04)

Read This Later - What's the one pressing issue that no presidential candidate has had the courage to address? (7/26/04)

Bear Complaints on the Rise - Out in the mountains where Bill lives, the police report that "bear complaints are on the rise." (7/14/04)

Amendments, Iraqi Style - After reviewing the interim Iraqi constitution, Bill has some suggestions for updating our own. (5/17/04)

We Like to Watch - Americans now watch an average of four hours of television every day. This is not good -- not good at all. (5/1/04)

World Peace Through Waving? - When you live in a small town, you've got to wave to people. Here's how. (4/26/04)

Let's Spread Democracy Here at Home - With all this talk about spreading democracy, Bill suggests we start here at home. (4/13/04)

Once Again, It's Mud Season - When you live in the mountains, late winter becomes a muck-covered season all its own. (4/4/04)

2003

Remembering Senator Paul Simon - A warm and thoughtful tribute to the late Senator from Illinois. Bill worked on Paul's presidential campaign in 1987-88. (12/19/03)