'What is TimesSelect?'
by Bill Shein
"TimesSelect is a new service from
The New York Times providing exclusive online access
to op-ed columnists, the Times archive and more."
— From nytimes.com
Thank you for your interest in TimesSelect,
the new online service that provides exclusive access
to valuable news and commentary from the world's finest
journalists.
Many readers have asked why the best of nytimes.com now
costs $49.95 per year (for those who don't receive home
delivery of the Times). The answer, as explained by publisher
Arthur Sulzberger at a recent staff retreat, is this:
If we don't quickly figure out how to "monetize eyeballs,"
everyone who works at The New York Times will have to
learn to survive by eating nothing more than their own
hair and saliva. (Or words to that effect.)
But that's not important right now. Instead, let's review
the benefits you'll enjoy as a subscriber to TimesSelect!
For just 14 cents per day, you'll have unlimited access
to the work of award-winning columnists like Tom Friedman
and Maureen Dowd. TimesSelect subscribers can also chat
with them via e-mail, offering a unique opportunity to
debate the issues with today's sharpest minds.
Want more? TimesSelect subscribers also get the cell
phone numbers of our editors and columnists, so you can
call, day or night, to praise their insights, lambaste
their biases, or just ask what they're wearing. Who knows:
you might become pals with columnist David Brooks, a man
once described by fellow conservative George F. Will as
"the craziest party animal and bon vivant I've ever
met! In fact, David Brooks takes 'carpe diem' to a whole
new level!"
You'll also have access to the Times news archive —
all the way back to 1851. Is your daughter doing a report
on the 1920s Teapot Dome scandal? Use TimesSelect to review
the original news articles so you can impress her with
your encyclopedic knowledge of American history. Imagine
the look of love and gratitude in her eyes as you help
her write a great report!
Put simply, if you pay $49.95 per year for TimesSelect,
your children will continue to love you. And if you don't?
Well, it could mean kids who vanish when they turn 18,
leaving you to live out your life, alone and depressed,
perhaps expiring in your sleep with no one around to find
your body until weeks or months later. Isn't avoiding
such a horrible fate worth a measly fifty bucks? Click
here to subscribe now!
But, as those TV infomercials like to say, that's not
all. TimesSelect's multimedia features create a fully
immersive New York Times experience. Daily podcasts by
reporters and columnists are just the beginning. You'll
also enjoy "TimesSelect Cribs," the streaming-video
program that features your favorite writers, up close
and personal.
No doubt you'll love seeing the home office of op-ed
columnist John Tierney, decorated with dozens of those
motivational "Successories" posters and paperweights.
And the elaborate, basement-level home entertainment center,
or "Man Cave," of longtime sports columnist
Dave Anderson? It's awesome.
Still not convinced? For a limited time, TimesSelect
subscribers can write one staff editorial or op-ed column
per year — on any topic at all. Talk about power!
Imagine the buzz around your office when the lead editorial
in The New York Times urges your boss to stop sucking
his teeth during staff meetings. Or when a sarcastic op-ed
reminds your husband that "clothes hamper" and
"floor of the bedroom" are not the same thing.
Surely that's worth fifty bucks a year, right?
So sign up today for TimesSelect. Remember, all subscribers
receive our exclusive recipe for delicious cookies made
from the hair and saliva of your favorite Times employees!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Subscribers to “SheinSelect” enjoy
a full archive of Bill Shein’s work,
including his third-grade book report on “Charlotte’s
Web.”
(This column originally appeared in the Berkshire
Eagle newspaper on January 11, 2006. Join a discussion
about this column in Bill's blog.
And read Bill's previous column, "Handicapping
the Oscars").
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