The GOP Scandal Quiz
by Bill Shein
THINK YOU'RE up to speed on the scandal, corruption and
assorted malfeasance engulfing Republicans in Washington?
To find out, test your knowledge with this handy current-events
quiz! And don't worry if you score poorly, because everyone
who plays automatically wins the Presidential Medal of
Freedom!
1. TRUE OR FALSE: "Scooter Libby" was
the name of the dog in "The Little Rascals"
TV series.
2. When Focus on the Family founder James Dobson
said he knew things about Harriet Miers "that I probably
shouldn't know," to what was he referring?
a) Embarrassing details of Miers' out-of-control "girls'
night out" with Condoleezza Rice and former Agriculture
Secretary Ann Veneman.
b) That her AOL screen name is "ScaliaBabe1787."
c) That, in private, she tells friends that it's actually
Florida Governor Jeb Bush who is "the best governor
ever!"
3. What did Texas Rep.-for-now Tom DeLay say
after his indictment on charges of criminal conspiracy
and money laundering?
a) "What is this 'law' you speak of? It applies
to me?"
b) "These are baseless charges made by a partisan
prosecutor engaged in the politics of personal destruction.
And I should know, because back when Clinton was president,
I invented the politics of personal destruction."
c) "Someone get my close friend and partner-in-crime,
Jack Abramoff, on the phone! Wait, no, uh, I mean my lawyer,
Mack Abramoff."
4. In general, which of the following are grounds
for impeachment of the president of the United States?
a) Offering secret assurances that a Supreme Court nominee
will vote a certain way.
b) Misleading the nation into a foreign war that kills
and injures well over 100,000 human beings.
c) Intern. Sex. Lying about it.
5. According to Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist,
who is currently under investigation by both the Securities
and Exchange Commission and the Justice Department for
insider trading, what does "blind trust" mean?
a) Listening to Stevie Wonder tunes while making stock
picks.
b) By rearranging the letters in "blind trust,"
you can spell, "As far as voters know, I don't own
any shares in HCA Inc., the nation's largest hospital
chain that was started by my father and brother. But I
do. Or did, until I dumped them just before the price
dropped nine percent in one day."
c) It's shorthand for, "So much for that presidential
campaign."
6. Why was former White House procurement chief
David Safavian recently indicted?
a) OK'd, without receipts, $46,714 in expenses related
to Harriet Miers' "staff retreat with C. Rice and
A. Veneman."
b) Diverted Kevlar body armor meant for troops in Iraq
for massive Iraq-themed Halloween bash at his beach condo.
c) Used government credit card to pay for Learning Annex
class, "The Perp Walk: Developing Your Own Unique
Style."
7. What did New York Times reporter Judith Miller
write in her notebook during a July 2003 breakfast with
Scooter Libby?
a) "Chews with mouth open. Gross."
b) "Keeps saying something about 'the aspens turning
out West' and winking. Is he hitting on me?"
c) "Research: Was 'Scooter Libby' name of 'Little
Rascals' dog?"
d) "Oh. My. God. Is that his foot?"
8. What did President Bush say during his campaign
for president in 2000?
a) "In my administration, we will ask not only what
is legal but what is right; not what the lawyers allow,
but what the public deserves."
b) "It's time to clean up the toxic environment in
Washington, D.C."
c) "I will restore honor and integrity to the White
House."
d) "Hmmm, will anyone remember what I say during
this campaign?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bill Shein is: (a) An Eagle columnist; (b) whose
column appears; (c) like magic; (d) on Wednesday and Sunday.
(This column originally appeared in the Berkshire
Eagle newspaper on October 19, 2005. Join a discussion
about this column in Bill's blog.
And read Bill's previous column, "Redefining
'Pro-Life' ").
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