by Bill Shein
October 17, 2004

“I really don’t know how soon [I’ll publish],” he said. There was another pause, and then Mr. Salinger began to talk rapidly about how much he was writing, long hours, every day … “I don’t necessarily intend to publish posthumously, but I do like to write for myself,” he said. — From a 1974 New York Times interview with J.D. Salinger, the brilliant, eccentric author of “The Catcher in the Rye” and the short story collection, “Nine Stories.” Salinger, now 85, has lived as a virtual recluse in New Hampshire for half a century, and last published in 1962.

The Posthumously Published Writings
of J.D. Salinger

Nonfiction Books

“Man, It Sure Is Quiet Around Here: Reflections on the Wisdom of this Whole ‘Recluse’ Thing”

“The Solitaire Bible: 3,500 Card Games for You and You Alone”

“Get Off My Damn Property: True Tales of My Calls to 911”

“1,001 Craft Projects Using Annoying, Unread, Unopened Fan Letters”

“Reclusivity for Dummies: It’s Not a Movie Starring John Cusack”

“Frozen Peas for Breakfast: The Salinger Diet for a Long, Idiosyncratic Life”

“Get Yourself a College-Age Girlfriend: Letters To Win Her Heart Every Time”

Novels

“Not Quite 100 Years of Solitude, But Getting There”

“The Sound of Nothing But My Own Heart Beating, and Occasionally the Clearing of My Throat”

“People-Proof Fence”

“The Third Baseman in the Corn”

Short Story Collections

“Chicken Soup for the Brilliant, Reclusive and Immodest Soul”

“Another Nine Stories”

“Yet Another Nine Stories”

“And Then There Were Nine: New Stories”

“Eight Stories (Along With One Bonus Story)”

“Nine More Stories (Followed Immediately By An Additional Nine Stories, for a Total of 18 Stories)”

Essays

“Why Short Story Collections Must Only Include a Multiple of Nine Stories”

“Can Too Much Time Alone Drive A Man Crazy? A Debate Between My Talking Hand Puppets, ‘Holden’ and ‘Caulfield’”

“I Watch Satellite TV, and That Dr. Phil is an Ass”

“Because I’ll Shoot You In the Leg: Why You Shouldn’t Try to Visit My House in New Hampshire”

TV Pilot Scripts

“Phonies” — A brilliant, reclusive writer debunks the so-called success of various well-known people, all without ever leaving his front porch.

“Murder, He Wrote” — A brilliant, reclusive writer solves homicides that occur weekly on his 450-acre New Hampshire estate, without ever leaving his front porch.

“Brilliant & Reclusive” — An animated comedy series featuring Brill, a wry, talking pencil with a British accent, and Réclue, his wise-cracking French eraser.

Screenplays

“Bachelor Party VI: Antiquarian Booksellers Gone Wild”

“Salinger & Hootch”

“Thelma & Louise & J.D.”

“Stop! Or Salinger’s Mom Will Shoot!”

“Ishtar II: This Time It’s Personal”

Letters

“To Britney Spears, Re: You’re the Joyce Maynard of Our Times.”

“To Columbia House Record & Tape Club, Re: Availability of 8-Track Tapes.”

“To Cornish, New Hampshire, Police Department, Re: Permission to Use Deadly Force on Trespassing Reporters and Fans.”

“To Britney Spears, Re: Do I Have Your Correct Mailing Address?”

“To Hand Puppet Supplies Inc., Re: Replacement Parts.”

“To John Grisham, Re: English as a Second Language.”

“To Avril Lavigne, Re: You Rock, Like, So Much More Than Britney.”

“To Bill Shein, Re: The Bullet Wound in Your Leg.”

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Bill Shein has never encountered any fans on his property. He prefers not to speculate about what that means.

(This column originally appeared in the Berkshire Eagle newspaper on October 17, 2004).