Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Today's "Breaking Wartime News!"

Walters says 'The View' will go on

SFX: Sound of 150,000 American soldiers in Iraq breathing an audible sigh of relief.

Nope, This One's Not from The Onion, Either

"Michelle Obama likes to razz her husband"

This AP(!) story includes this depressing (and semi-ridiculous) analysis from the academy:
"A political campaign is a popularity contest and convincing voters that candidates are likable is part of the program. Showing off their personal side is part of that, a lot like when former President Clinton used to play his saxophone, said F. Christopher Arterton, dean of George Washington University's graduate school of political management."
Well, voting for "likeable" got us into the Iraq disaster, and worse, folks. So this time around I say we skip the "likeable" part of the "campaign." C'mon, who's with me, America? Let's elect a president based on what the hell he/she says he/she will do in office -- with specifics! Let's forget about all this nonsense about who "leaves socks on the floor," and who we'd like "to have a beer with," and "who can bench press the most," and "who would personally torture detainees at Guantanamo Bay with his own, Mitt-Romney-like hands," etc.

Yeah, I know. Sounds crazy. Forget I mentioned it. Move along. Nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to see here. Just the remnants of a representative democracy choosing its leaders. Like I said: Nothing valuable to see here.

SFX: Sound of Shein sobbing

No, It's Not a Headline from The Onion

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

MORE BREAKING WARTIME NEWS!

"Rosie O'Donnell Says She May Never Speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck Again"

(Just want to be sure you're keeping up with the important media stories of the day, friends!)

BREAKING WARTIME NEWS!

"Actress Lindsay Lohan continued to party over the holiday weekend, despite being arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, according to US reports today."

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

There Are Simply No Words

WASHINGTON, May 15 — A senior lobbyist at the National Association of Manufacturers nominated by President Bush to lead the Consumer Product Safety Commission will receive a $150,000 departing payment from the association when he takes his new government job, which involves enforcing consumer laws against members of the association.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Whoa. That Usually Means a Military Option!

WASHINGTON - The White House said Tuesday that “all options are on the table” about the leadership of the World Bank, even as it publicly defended embattled President Paul Wolfowitz as he fights conflict-of-interest charges.
Run, Paul Wolfowitz, run! The Bush administration is about to go medieval on your, um, person!

Prepare for Shocking News, America!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Whoa

According to this article about the wedding industry, the average American wedding costs $27,000 (2005). And that's before the cost of the ever-popular solid gold wedding cake, methinks.

Alternate Headline: "Cheney in Baghdad to View All That He Has Wrought"

This Time Next Year? Only 11 Species Remain...

Must. Study. Existing. Species. Before. All. Are. Gone...
Spurred by fears that thousands of animals, plants, and microbes will disappear from the planet before scientists can properly study them, a consortium of world-famous research institutions and funding foundations tomorrow will launch an effort to compile an enormous, computer-based "Encyclopedia of Life" to catalog every species known or found.
Hurry, scientists, hurry!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

And All is Again Right with the World

Thursday, May 03, 2007

World's Most Hilarious E-mail Newsletter?

Thanks, "White House E-mail Updates" page! You had me clutching my sides, you crazy jokester!
Conservation and Natural Resources - To receive regular updates about the President's plan for healthy forests, programs to improve and care for our National Park System, conservation efforts on America's farms and protection of wildlife and environmental areas, click here.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Key Info About FISA and Domestic Wiretapping

This story sums up the key, critical points in the debate about if, and how, to change the FISA law, as the Bush administration wants:
Lawmakers also raised questions about a provision that would allow the government to retain "significant intelligence information" taken in the search of a U.S. citizen's home if a FISA warrant permitting the search is later denied. FISA allows FBI agents to surveil a subject for a short period on an emergency basis before seeking a warrant, but if the warrant is denied, current law allows the retention only of information involving imminent death or harm.

The FISA court almost never turns down a warrant request. Data for 2006 show that it signed off on 2,176 warrants, the Associated Press reported yesterday. One application for a warrant was denied in part, and 73 required changes before being approved.
That's a pretty remarkable request: Use the flexibility under FISA that lets the government surveil and search the homes of U.S. citizens on an emergency basis while waiting for FISA's stamp of approval -- which it pretty much always grants -- but then, should the FISA court deny the request, the government gets to keep all of the information anyway.

Um, under that kind of law, what would, um, be the point of having the FISA law at all? What? Why are you looking at me that way?

'Chaos and Confusion' in Iraq?

This is utterly ridiculous -- and would be hilarious if the reality of what Mr. Bush has wrought in Iraq wasn't so tragic for so many.
In a six-minute televised speech from the White House, the president called the measure a “prescription for chaos and confusion,” and said, as he has for weeks, that he could not sign it because it contained timetables for troop withdrawal.
There may be few, if any, good options for American policy in Iraq, but the worst of all is to continue sending more and more of our brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and friends and loved ones into the sectarian crossfire and bloodshed of Iraq. The American people have spoken, loudly and clearly and frequently, and we say it's time to bring our soldiers home. If the president continues to wage war against the wishes of the people he purports to represent, he should be removed from office, plain and simple. That's not partisan politics -- it's what every small "d" democrat in America should see as perhaps the only way to begin to restore American values to American foreign policy.

And now back to the important stuff

Britney is back: Pop princess Spears takes the stage in San Diego
SFX: Collective, global sigh of relief, followed by sarcastic rolling of eyes, followed by counting of column inches devoted to Spears, followed by reading of news about Iraq, followed by turning of global stomach

SFX: Sound of tires squealing, car leaving DC...

WASHINGTON - An Interior Department official accused of pressuring government scientists to make their research fit her policy goals has resigned.

Julie MacDonald, deputy assistant secretary for fish, wildlife and parks, submitted her resignation letter to Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne, a department spokesman said Tuesday.

MacDonald resigned a week before a House congressional oversight committee was to hold a hearing on accusations that she violated the Endangered Species Act, censored science and mistreated staff of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.

MacDonald was recently rebuked by the department's inspector general, who told Congress in a report last month that she broke federal rules and should face punishment for leaking information about endangered species to private groups. [Full story...]