Tracy Kidder: "My Detachment"

An overview of an interesting book that I haven't read yet, but will.

SFX: Sound of Partisan Armies Being Massed...

"Bush Nominates Alito to Supreme Court"

As you surely know by now, Alito's nickname is "Scalito" for his Scalia-like judicial philosophy.

CUT TO: Halloween at the Alito household, 2004

SFX: Doorbell

JUDGE ALITO'S WIFE (opening door): Why, hello Justice Scalia! Sam didn't tell me that you were stopping by tonight.

ALITO (removing Antonin Scalia mask): "It's me, honey, in my Antonin Scalia costume! You like?"

Coming to an Infomercial Near You?

"Hi, I'm Scooter Libby, here to tell you about 'Scooter's Old Tyme Ginko Biloba Memory Tonic'..."

Libby Defense May Cite Bad Memory

Latest Update From the President On Iraq, Dudes!

Bush Says Progress Is Being Made in Iraq

Great! Thanks for the update, brotha!

America Reacts to Libby Indictment?

Or something else?

Ye Olde Fallback Distractatorification Strategy

As indictments spew forth ...

President Discusses War on Terror

What were the chances?

Music by Fitzgerald. Lyrics by Rove.

CHORUS (nervously): "I am going to have a great Friday and a fantastic weekend and hope you do too," [Rove told reporters as he departed his home in Washington Friday morning.]

The Time-Travel-As-Damage-Control Angle

As we "reported" here a few days ago, it appears that White House crisis managers have gone back in time to erase the existence of Karl Rove -- as made clear by recent images that show the president's top advisor disappearing, a la "Back to the Future."

While there's no way to confirm this yet, it now appears that the same White House time travelers have set about erasing the existence of indictee-to-be Scooter Libby! He is now disappearing right before our eyes, just like his co-conspirator, Karl Rove.

Check out the photographic evidence secured by an Associated Press photographer:

Libby heads to work on Friday, October 28. (AP)

He's disappearing -- from the head down! Why the "mainstream media" continues to ignore this story is beyond belief. Why don't they take blogs seriously -- especially since blogs continue to break big news like the Italian connection to the Niger forgeries, the Dan Rather/CBS/Bush's National Guard document forgeries, and now, right here in this blog, the unmistakable fact that time-traveling White House operatives have gone back in time to erase the existence of formerly important but now troublesome aides?

DEVELOPING............ !!!!

We're Just Kidding! Get It? Ha, Ha! Right? Right?

(CNN) -- Iranian officials are attempting to play down comments by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that Israel should be "wiped off the map," even as thousands of Iranians staged anti-Israel protests across the country.

Iran's Moscow embassy, often used by Tehran to issue statements on foreign policy, said Friday that Ahmadinejad did not mean to "speak up in such sharp terms."

The statement continued: "Oh, we didn't really mean literally 'wiped off the map,' as if in one fell swoop. Come now. Perhaps we should have said 'Israel should be gradually erased, around the edges at first, but eventually becoming an Israel-shaped hole where Israel once was.' If we said it that way, would there be such an uproar? There would? Oh well. Look, would love to keep issuing this statement, but I've got to get back to our secret nuclear weapons program. Catch you later!"

EVEN MORE BREAKING AP NEWS!

Kate Moss checks out of rehab clinic

Seriously: Thanks, AP!

Holy BeJebus

ExxonMobil made $10 billion profit last quarter. And you know what that is? THE LARGEST QUARTERLY PROFIT IN PLANETARY HISTORY.

At least modern planetary history. There's no way of knowing the largest quarterly profit before all Earth-bound life was wiped out 50 million years ago after that little-discussed alien invasion. You know, that rich, pre-human civilization that disappeared? The one that was peaceful, and just, AND profitable? And even more advanced than us?

Seriously, what? Why are you looking at me that way?

P.S. I know, I know. What's the big deal, right? I mean, c'mon: Who among us can honestly say they've never -- even once -- earned $10 billion in one quarter? Very few of us indeed.

BREAKING AP NEWS!

Report: Jolie says she wants more kids

Thanks, AP!

Not Sure Why, But This Is Just Utterly, Totally, Completely, Indisputably Hilarious

Is this the reason the Chinese try to curb Internet access? C'mon, China! Lighten up! Check out the comedy goodness! Comedy brings the world together! Peace and harmony through humor, friends!

Is Ford Learning Management Techniques From "Southeast Asian Sweatshop Report"?

Ford eyeing bathroom breaks
Report: SUV plant in Michigan to have supervisors collect data on time workers spend in restroom.

"In today's competitive environment, it is important that Michigan Truck plant immediately address this concern to avoid the risks associated with safety, quality, delivery, cost and morale," the memo said, according to the [Detroit News'] report.

The paper reported that the memo also warns that Ford supervisors will begin collecting weekly data on the amount of time workers spend on bathroom breaks and "respond appropriately."

No comment. No comment at all.

The Next Supreme Court Nominee

My prediction? The president nominates a senator. Hatch or Cornyn. Needs an easy win that will keep conservatives happy.

CUT TO: Shein predicting Kerry six-point victory

CUT TO: Shein predicting Beta winning out over VHS and investing entire family savings in Beta-related companies

CUT TO: Shein, gleefully drunk and high-fiving assorted big-wigs at Dewey HQ early on Election Night '48

CUT TO: Shein, confidently buying ticket for "unsinkable" Titanic maiden voyage

CUT TO: Shein, telling girlfriend during camping trip, "Don't worry, there's no way you'll get pregnant."

CUT TO: Shein, cradling newborn baby, shrugging in "What, me?" fashion

CUT TO: Shein, moments ago, pouring out what remains of his fourteenth cup of coffee...

Music by Wilma. Lyrics by Jeb.

CHORUS (uptempo): "Today is going to be better, tomorrow is going to be better than today, and the day after tomorrow will be even better," [Bush said during a Wednesday news conference.]

Endlessly Fascinating Site

For those of you who, like me, love everything about language and words, this site will provide you with endless hours of procrastinatory goodness. And yes, I know that "procrastinatory" is not a real word. Oh, delicious irony!

They Better Reinforce the "Mute" Button

Japan developing remote control for humans

Troubling Photographic Evidence

Not surprisingly, the so-called "mainstream media" has not reported that White House crisis managers have gone back in time to change history so that indictee-to-be Karl Rove never even existed! Just like in "Back to the Future", Rove is slowly disappearing -- and will vanish completely unless someone is sent back in time to set things right!

Check out this Associated Press photo from earlier today, which plainly shows half of Rove's head missing! He's vanishing before our very eyes!

(Click to enlarge)

UPDATE: According to Ranty McRant's Fact-Free Partisan Rant-a-Blog, "sources" say that prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has sent several FBI agents through a hole in the space-time continuum -- located, ironically, not far from CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia! -- to stop the White House operatives before they can erase Rove's very existence!

UPDATE 2: "Sources" say that Fitzgerald himself has gone back in time -- in a modified DeLorean, no less!

UPDATE 3: Hollywood "sources" say that DreamWorks and Lion's Gate are in a bidding war over rights to the Fitzgerald/time-travel story!

Words, Words, Words

CNN.com:

"The policy of this White House has been to carry out the direction of the president, which is to cooperate fully with the special prosecutor," said White House press secretary Scott McClellan, who was peppered with questions about the report at his daily briefing.

"There's a lot of speculation that is going on right now. There are many facts that are not known. The work of the special prosecutor continues, and we look forward to him successfully concluding his investigation," he said.

McClellan said he had not sought any clarification about Cheney's involvement from the vice president or his office and bristled when a reporter asked if Cheney always tells the truth to the American people, dismissing the query as "ridiculous."

In 2003, McClellan used the same word to deny that either Rove or Libby had been involved in the leak.

Hmmm.

White House Web Site Screen Shot!

Holy crikey! Check out this screen shot of the White House Web site made just minutes ago! No, seriously!

Sen. Kerry

From a friend in Washington who reports that Sen. John Kerry arrived hours late for today's Medicare-Medicaid budget reconciliation markup in the Senate Finance Committee. Kerry:

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Chairman. I was at a funeral for one of our soldiers."

Ouch.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

"U.S. military death toll in Iraq reaches 2,000"

Today's Theme Song

Neville Brothers: "Sister Rosa"

Best Harper's Index Item Evah?

Total U.S. spending on poppy eradication and other antidrug efforts in Afghanistan last year: $780,000,000

Amount it would have cost to purchase the country's entire 2004 poppy crop: $600,000,000

The New York Times

I think the New York Times is a great paper. While I don't always fancy its editorials (Iraq war, anyone?), and of late it has made some absolutely terrible management decisions, it is easily the best written, most eclectic, most interesting newspaper on the planet. Even when covering the most mundane topics, the writing is fluid and thoughtful.

That said, this Judy Miller fiasco continues to imperil the paper's future as a credible news source -- as well as impact the First Amendment and journalists' use of anonymous sources. Miller's WMD stories, many based largely (exclusively?) on anonymous government sources who used her to push the fictional/flawed case for war, were embarrassing. And there will be more about that in the days to come, no doubt, as the Fitzgerald investigation concludes.

Today, in an example of sloppiness around the Wilson/Miller/Iraq/Fitzgerald story, an Elisabeth Bumiller story makes this inaccurate claim which seems to be drawn directly from the GOP talking points written about in another story today (and which I discussed yesterday after Sen. Hutchison fired up the GOP's anti-scandal spin machine. From Bumiller's "White House Letter":

Lawyers involved in the case say that the prosecutor, Patrick J. Fitzgerald, is focusing on whether Mr. Rove and Mr. Libby sought to conceal their actions and mislead prosecutors in the C.I.A. leak case. Among the charges he is considering, they say, are perjury and obstruction of justice - both peripheral to the issue Mr. Fitzgerald was appointed to investigate, which is whether anyone in the administration revealed the identity of a covert intelligence officer, a potential crime.

That is simply false. Lying or obstructing justice is a crime unto itself, as well as a crime directly related to the core investigation. How can lying to hide the truth about the CIA leak be "peripheral" to the investigation? That's preposterous. And it's a sign of bad editing for it to have slipped through.

I'm pulling for the Times to get its act together. As today's piece on gold mining makes clear, it simply does reporting and writing that is top notch, and top-notch reporting is terribly important in our troubled democracy. Those who seek to undermine the Times will do so even without evidence of errors and misjudgements. That's why errors and misjudgements must be dealt with openly and quickly.

That the paper didn't fire Judy Miller months (years?) ago was a terrific blunder.

Evidence of Tom DeLay Funneling Corporate Money!

Click here.

Whoa. Think Twice About That Gold Jewelry, Folks

From an excellent NYT investigation reported in today's edition:

Consider a ring. For that one ounce of gold, miners dig up and haul away 30 tons of rock and sprinkle it with diluted cyanide, which separates the gold from the rock. Before they are through, miners at some of the largest mines move a half million tons of earth a day, pile it in mounds that can rival the Great Pyramids, and drizzle the ore with the poisonous solution for years.

More Hutchison

Since we're on the subject of absurd statements by Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, here's a gem about Harriet Miers:

"She is the only one whose entire career is in private practice," Hutchison said, in contrast to the current justices. "I can't imagine not having someone with practical real-world experience."

Right. More than 30 years of "practical real-world experience" as a lawyer working on behalf of union-busting big businesses and assorted wealthy clients! Yeah! She'll certainly be the people's justice!

Kay Bailey Hutchison for Hypocrite-in-Chief!

Wow.

As I wrote in a column that ran in the Eagle today (and will be on reasongonemad.com in a couple days), those who said, in 1998, "It's not about sex, it's about lying," are going to have to take large doses of the new drug "Hypocrixil" to now explain away the perjury and obstruction-of-justice indictments likely in the next few days.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Tex.) apparently got an early, pre-release dose of Hypocrixil, because here's what she said this morning on "Meet the Press" (via Kos):

"I certainly hope that if there is going to be an indictment that says something happened, that it is an indictment on a crime and not some perjury technicality where they couldn't indict on the crime so they go to something just to show that their two years of investigation were not a waste of time and dollars."

Now, setting aside that perjury is, in fact, a crime punishable by up to five years in prison, and also ignoring the $70 million+ spent to investigate the Clintons over many years, for those of you who think consistency in application of the law is important among those elected to write the laws, here's what Sen. Hutchison had to say during the debate over President Clinton's impeachment:

"Lying is a moral wrong. Perjury is a lie told under oath that is legally wrong. To be illegal, the lie must be willfully told, must be believed to be untrue, and must relate to a material matter. Title 18, Section 1621 and 1623, U.S. Code.

[...] "Willful, corrupt, and false sworn testimony before a Federal grand jury is a separate and distinct crime under applicable law and is material and perjurious if it is `capable' of influencing the grand jury in any matter before it, including any collateral matters that it may consider. See, Title 18, Section 1623, U.S. Code, and Federal court cases interpreting that Section. The President's testimony before the Federal grand jury was fully capable of influencing the grand jury's investigation and was clearly perjurious."

I know, I know. It's just not fair to pull up statements Hutchison made seven entire years ago and expect that a United States senator would still have the same view of perjury. Clearly, her thinking on this fundamental element of the American legal system -- that is, telling the truth under oath in front of a grand jury -- has "evolved." And we want people who are willing to admit mistakes, right?

Still, I thought you should know.

Why Is This Man Smiling?

DeLay Booked

The world's goofiest, smiling-ist mug shot ever. But where's his number?

Power to the Powerful!

Let me hear you yell it from the rooftops, folks: POWER TO THE POWERFUL!

Thanks, Congress!

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill Wednesday that would block lawsuits by people who blame fast-food chains for their obesity.

Also, FYI, the House will pass legislation today prohibiting most lawsuits against gun manufacturers and dealers. Yes!

As Predicted

A few months ago, I suggested that the 1,724-page energy bill signed by the president in August included provisions slyly tucked away in a massive, unread bill so that the public wouldn't even find out about them until weeks or months later. Alas, "the great revealing" has begun!

Bush taking aggressive measures to drill for oil
Local residents will no longer be consulted every time wells are proposed

WASHINGTON - In an aggressive push by the Bush administration to open more public land to oil and gas production, the Interior Department has quit conducting environmental reviews and seeking comments from local residents every time drilling companies propose new wells.

Field officials have been told to begin looking at issuing permits based on past studies of an entire project, even though some of those assessments may be outdated. The instructions are in a directive from the department’s Bureau of Land Management expected to cover hundreds of anticipated new drilling applications.

President Bush and Congress authorized the streamlining as part of a 1,724-page energy bill signed into law in August.

YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

WASHINGTON, Oct. 19 - The House of Representatives this afternoon postponed action for a day on a bill that would be a cherished victory for the National Rifle Association: a measure shielding gun manufacturers and dealers from liability lawsuits.

(From "House Expected to Pass Gun Bill Strongly Backed by N.R.A.")

Good to see that the nation's priorities remain in order, just a few weeks after there was -- gasp! -- some dangerously misguided and irrelevant and bleeding-heart talk of actually addressing the persistent level of poverty in America!

But alas, there's no time for that. And no time to address health care, friends, because WE MUST REDUCE LIABILITY EXPOSURE FOR THE GUN INDUSTRY!

Sorry for the all-caps, but man, lately I feel like I need some kind of SUPER-caps on this computer keyboard. I need to be able to type words that literally leap from the screen, grab you by the scruff of your neck, and scream, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! WE MUST STOP THE MADNESS!

Ahem.

Yeeeeeoooouuuuccccchhhhhhhh!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The senators in charge of Harriet Miers' confirmation are demanding more information from her before hearings begin, one describing the Supreme Court nominee's answers so far as "incomplete to insulting."

Shameless Commerce!

Click it! Then stick it!

Oh Dear Lord This Is Funny

E-mailed from a friend who admits to a guilty pleasure: Visiting a goofy site that posts incredibly cute kitten pictures every day, and which, it seems, has a very, very devoted fan base, at least based on this blog comment.

wtf. wheres monday's kitten!?!?!?!!?!?

Good News, Everyone!

Secretary of State Rice told Congress that "we're making progress" in Iraq! WOO HOO!

What To Do With $340 Million?

(Heard 1,000,000,000,000,000 times today in workplaces across America)

ALRIGHT! WOO HOO! I just bought a $1.00 PowerBall ticket that IS SO TOTALLY GOING TO WIN! I am COMPLETELY SURE OF IT!

Seriously, like, when I win the giant PowerBall jackpot, dude, like, I'm TOTALLY not coming to work tomorrow! No, wait. I AM coming to work, but only to tell that jerk boss of ours to STICK IT! Yeah, that'll learn him! And then I'll get in my limo (rented, b/c I will not have picked up the money yet, and might just wait a few weeks to get the media into a frenzy of, like, "Who won the giant jackpot and why hasn't he or she come forward? Because of an outstanding arrest warrant?") and drive around town hanging out the sunroof like a prom-goer, looking like an idiot, BUT I WON'T CARE, because I'll have just won $340 MILLION!

Then, like, I'm going to buy everyone I know A FREAKING HOUSE, and the NEW CORVETTE, and then I'm going to VEGAS, BABY! Woo freaking hoo!

And then, of course, a few hours later I'll be broke, after betting it all on red 34, and then back at work the next morning. So maybe I should have put the $1.00 into my IRA instead. Yeah. Shoulda done that.........

............JUST KIDDING, MAN! I'm going to be so rich, and the ladeez are going to be ALL OVER ME, and I'll light cigars with hundred-dollar bills, and, and, and

SFX: Sound of intercom beeping, someone picking up phone handset

Yeah, boss. I'll be right there. Yes. No problem. I'm on it. Sorry. Really, I'm sorry. Won't happen again, sir. Thank you, sir. I understand. No, sir, I appreciate it. You're nice to do that, sir. Yes, I know you could fire me. Right. Okay. Thank you.

SFX: Sound of phone hanging up, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence, following by a mumbled, "Shit."

SFX: Sound of nearby co-workers laughing and laughing and laughing. And laughing.

A Friendly FYI

"The odds of hitting all six numbers are 1 in 146 million."

CUT TO: Sound of All Work Stopping in Cheney's Office...

... and all eyes turning to John Hannah, advisor to Vice President Dick Cheney, who had been mindlessly making some photocopies.

JOHN HANNAH (looking around innocently): No, seriously. What? (He laughs nervously, nonchalantly staples the documents he was collating moments ago, then suddenly bolts for the door).

From the story, which, I should note, has not yet been picked up elsewhere at this point:

A senior aide to Vice President Dick Cheney is cooperating with special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald in the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame Wilson, sources close to the investigation say.

Whoa

White House Watch: Cheney resignation rumors fly

You know, I'm starting to have this image in my head of the president, sitting alone at his Oval Office desk, and everything is eerily quiet. The whole feeling is one of nervousness. The president calls out, "Hello? Anyone there?" The White House seems empty. He looks at his phone; none of the many extension buttons are lit.

After clearing his throat, he shuffles some papers on his desk, signs a few things, mumbles, "fighting 'em abroad, don't have to fight 'em here at home."

Slowly, the camera zooms in on a newspaper sitting on the floor next to his desk, showing the headline, "Cheney, Rove, Libby, others indicted; Cheney resigns; Fitzgerald expands probe"

Tres Amusante

I love this pic of Card and Hadley on the cover of the New York Times today. It has a certain Cuban Missile Crisis, JFK-RFK feel to it -- minus 100 percent of the gravitas.

Ouch

Craig takes over from Pierce Brosnan, 51, who has played Bond in four films but was considered too old to continue.

As the sixth Bond, Craig will play a tougher, grittier and darker spy in Casino Royale, the 21st film in the franchise that grew from Ian Fleming's spy novels.

But bookmakers are already taking bets on him being axed after just one movie. -- Daily Mail

Yeah, Probably A Good Idea

The Federal Aviation Administration said it is upgrading radar equipment to help prevent aircraft from disappearing from the computer screens of air traffic controllers. -- Washington Post

THIS Is The Matter With Kansas

"Kansas Senator, Looking at Presidential Bid, Makes Faith the Bedrock of Campaign"

More on Brownback...

If Rove's Grand Jury Appearance Was Covered by the Society Page...

... the headline might go something ... like ... this:

Rove Makes 'Grand' Fourth Jury Appearance

But ABC News slugged it this way: "Rove Makes Fourth Grand Jury Appearance"

I like mine better, especially if I imagine an aristocratic party-like atmosphere, circa 1890, in London, with women in ball gowns, etc. But that's just me, after too much coffee, perhaps...

Mock Surprise: Chapter 7,245,119

ABC: "Bush Teleconference With Soldiers Staged"
President Bush Teleconference With U.S. Troops Was Choreographed to Match His Goals for Iraq War

More...

Bush: "I Mean, Why is Iraq Such a Dangerous Place Today? Any of You Soldiers Over There Have Any Idea?"

The least self-aware president in history? You decide.

Here's President Bush, to the troops in Iraq during today's hilariously scripted teleconference:

"I wish I could be there to see you face to face and thank you personally. Probably a little early for me to go to Tikrit. Perhaps one of these days the situation will be such that I’ll be able to get back to Iraq."

Then this revealing line, suggesting the troops might be in Iraq well beyond January 20, 2009:

"Thank you for all your work. When you [get] back to the United States, if I'm hanging around, come by and say hello."

And this, from the well-protected comfort of Fortress White House:

"I'm going to assure you of this, that so long as I am the president, we are never going to back down, we are never going to give in, we'll never accept anything less than total victory."

Nice.

In the Matter of 'Jew v. Christian' ...

There's far too little courage in this country to call-out the Christian right -- or anyone who seeks to inject religion into the public life of this nation -- for fomenting not just religious intolerance, but for aggressively pushing for an all-out Christian theocracy. The unfolding Harriet Miers fiasco is, at least, unmasking the way extremist religious ideology has its hooks in American politics and government. No need to look overseas, friends.

Let's take a look at Pat Robertson's remarks today on his "700 Club" program about why conservatives should get in line with the president's choice of Harriet Miers -- which, quite remarkably, the president confessed today was a nomination based at least in part on her religious beliefs, Scott McClellan's protestations notwithstanding. Here's Robertson:

"These so-called movement conservatives don’t have much of a following, the ones that I’m aware of. And you just marvel, these are the senators, some of them who voted to confirm the general counsel of the ACLU to the Supreme Court, and she was voted in almost unanimously. And you say, ‘now they’re going to turn against a Christian who is a conservative picked by a conservative President and they’re going to vote against her for confirmation.’ Not on your sweet life, if they want to stay in office."

What he's saying, without saying it, is that Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a Jew with an impressive judicial record, was confirmed, yet Harriet Miers -- about whom we know virtually nothing -- should be confirmed simply because she's an evangelical Christian.

Happy Yom Kippur, everyone!

Guess What, Everyone!

Verizon appreciates my one-time direct debit payment -- and asks me to please save its email acknowledgment for my records!!!!!!!!!

More on NYC Subway Hoax

Government sources said the three men arrested in Iraq with suspected links to the possible plot had been interviewed and underwent lie detector tests showing they knew nothing about such a plan.

Fool Me 43,912 Times, Shame On Me

A few days ago, when I was musing about the odd timing of the NYC subway alert and Bush's speech on terrorism (which came in the midst of a GOP unraveling in Washington), I just had a feeling it would come to this: "N.Y. subway threat a hoax"

It feels funny, frankly, to imagine that something like a possible subway attack could be fabricated with cooperation of political operatives to enhance the president's image in a time of political crisis. But we already know, though there's been little outrage, that the White House constantly prodded Tom Ridge and the Department of Homeland Security to issue terrorism warnings in the run-up to the 11/04 election. That's no mere hypothesis; Ridge has said as much.

It's interesting to note that DHS raised the threat level to orange on July 30, 2004, the day after John Kerry's acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention -- a time when candidates typically emerge from their nominating convention with a bump in the polls and lots of media coverage.

So, again: Why and how did this hoax rise to the level it did in NYC on the same day that the president delivered what was promoted as "a major policy address" (which it wasn't) on terrorism? Is there more to this story? How often does this need to happen at politically convenient times before it's more seriously investigated and reported on? And what is the long-term impact of "crying wolf"? Nothing good in this. Nothing.

Brownback's Left Hand: "Tastes Great!" / Brownback's Right Hand: "Less Filling!"

Sen. Sam Brownback, a Kansas Republican, said on ABC last week that there was "a good chance" he would vote against Miers if she said that Roe v. Wade was "settled law."

But on CBS' "Face the Nation," he complained about the "litmus test on the left" that draws filibusters "if you don't support Roe, if you don't support abortion rights."

Dudes! CBS is, like, a whole other network! People who watch ABC would never watch CBS, right?

CUT TO: "Raiders"-style Holy Lightning Blazing Through Guy Ritchie's Chest

Rabbi Rafael Cohen, head of a seminary named after Luria, suggested Madonna's actions could lead to divine retribution.

"Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit. Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens," Cohen told the newspaper.

Whoa

It's hard to imagine a more damning lead paragraph than this:

A plan developed by the Bush administration to deal with any possible outbreak of pandemic flu shows that the United States is woefully unprepared for what could become the worst disaster in the nation's history.

Cartoonish, Absurd, Hilarious, Tragic, Amazing, Etc.

The announcement of a possible attack on New York's subway system prompted San Francisco's Bay Area Rapid Transit to raise its alert, from orange to "enhanced orange," Friday.

Got that, SFers?

An Article Worth Reading in Its Entirety

It has everything: Subversion of democracy, tax dollars for cronies and oil companies (a.k.a. "among the most profitable organizations on planet Earth"), and fine examples of why the United States House of Representatives is no longer representative at all.

In Raucous House Vote, G.O.P. Oil Refinery Bill Squeaks By

Here's an idea for Congress: Let the oil companies use some of their record profits to build their own damn refineries.

Oh, and by the way? We're at war. 19 soldiers killed this week. Thanks for doing your part, oil-industry lobbyists!

Disgusting. Shameful. Embarrassing. Un-American. Criminal.

(Fortunately, this will get nowhere in the Senate.)

The Easiest "Spokesman" Job in the Whole World?

"Randall Samborn, a spokesman for special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, declined to comment."

$50 Billion Here, $50 Billion There, And Pretty Soon You've Got World War III!

Kill, pussycat, kill!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Senate voted Friday to give President Bush $50 billion more for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and U.S. military efforts against terrorism, money that would push total spending for the operations beyond $350 billion. In a 97-0 vote, the GOP-controlled Senate signed off on the money as part of a $445 billion military spending bill for the budget year that began October 1.

"Galaxy Quest" - The Bush Speechwriter Resource?

"We will never back down, never give in, and never accept anything less than complete victory." -- George W. Bush, October 6, 2005

"Never give up. Never surrender!" -- Tim Allen as Commander Peter Quincy Taggart in "Galaxy Quest"

World's Best Non-Profit Org Description?

"The Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) is a membership-based, IRS-approved 501 (c) (3) non-profit research and educational organization. We assist scientists to design, fund, obtain approval for and report on studies into the risks and benefits of MDMA, psychedelic drugs and marijuana. MAPS' mission is to sponsor scientific research designed to develop psychedelics and marijuana into FDA-approved prescription medicines, and to educate the public honestly about the risks and benefits of these drugs."

Political Climate of Intimidation and Fear, Anyone?

Southwest Airlines kicked a woman off one of its flights over a political message on her T-shirt, the airline confirmed Thursday, and published reports say the passenger will sue.

Lorrie Heasley, of Woodland, Wash., was asked to leave her flight from Los Ang