Friday, July 29, 2005

Hilariously Absurd and Preposterously Self-Serious

BEVERLY HILLS, California (AP) -- Taking a page from Washington, the producers of "American Idol" and Fox TV hired an independent counsel to determine whether judge Paula Abdul had an affair with a contestant on the hit talent show. "Any allegations against this show we take quite seriously," Fox Entertainment President Peter Liguori said Thursday, calling the competition's credibility "extraordinarily important to us."

New Job? Rolling Naked in Money!

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Lachlan Murdoch resigned as an executive at his father Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. but will remain on the board, the media conglomerate said Friday.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

RGM Photo Exclusive!

First photo of a man who will most certainly not be the Republican nominee for president in 2008 -- or the president of the United States in 2009!

Now-Outgoing New York
Governor George Pataki!

Attention DC Job Seekers!

"C-SPAN is seeking two full-time News Editors to generate, produce and assist in the oversight of Capital News updates on C-SPAN, C-SPAN.org and C-SPAN Radio, as well as assist in the development of future Capital News offerings. Also research and identify stories focused on Washington policy-based news, write headlines for on-air and online use, edit headlines from Newsdesk writers, update and maintain Newsdesk database and .... whoa, eyelids getting heavy ... can't ... stay ... awake. Getting so unbelievably ... tired. Feel ... like ... I ... must ... sleep ... now ... mommy ... Zzzzzzzzz z z z z z......"

SFX: Sound of snoring

Dear Oxford English Dictionary Editor:

As evidenced by the quotation below, taken from a Washington Post story about the lack of postwar planning by the Bush administration, the word "progress" and the phrase "we're making progress" are hereby worthless, empty, and devoid of all meaning.

Best,
Bill Shein
In a speech last month to soldiers at Fort Bragg, N.C., President Bush pointed to the Iraqi elections and efforts to improve roads, schools and basic services. "Rebuilding a country after three decades of tyranny is hard, and rebuilding while at war is even harder. Our progress has been uneven, but progress is being made."

Product Idea

Now available from the Democratic Leadership Council store: "Vital Center Sleeping Pills" -- the same ones taken by Joe Lieberman before every speech!

SFX: Sound of Enormous, Diesel-Powered Document Shredder

Washington Post: "Bush Aide Learned Early of Leaks Probe"

Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales said yesterday that he spoke with White House Chief of Staff Andrew H. Card Jr. immediately after learning that the Justice Department had launched a criminal investigation into the leak of a CIA operative's identity. But Gonzales, who was White House counsel at the time,waited 12 hours before officially notifying the rest of the staff of the inquiry.

[...]"I specifically had our lawyers go back to the Department of Justice lawyers and ask them, 'Do you want us to notify the staff now, immediately, or would it be okay to notify the staff early in the morning?' And we were advised, go ahead and notify the staff early in the morning, that would be okay." He said most of the staff had left by the time the Justice Department called and that "no one knew about the investigation."

But he acknowledged telling one person: "the chief of staff. And immediately the next morning, I told the president. And shortly thereafter, there was notification sent out to all the members of the White House staff," Gonzales said.

Sen. Joseph R. Biden Jr. (D-Del.), appearing on the same program, questioned why Gonzales would not have notified the staff immediately by e-mail and suggested that Fitzgerald pursue whether Card may have given anyone in the White House advance notice of the criminal investigation.

"The real question now is, who did the chief of staff speak to? Did the chief of staff pick up the phone and call Karl Rove? Did the chief of staff pick up the phone and call anybody else?" Biden asked.

Smells Like Grasping at Straws

"Prosecutors have questioned former CIA director George J. Tenet and deputy director John E. McLaughlin, former CIA spokesman Bill Harlow, State Department officials, and even a stranger who approached columnist Robert D. Novak on the street."

FITZGERALD: So, Mr. X -- is it alright if I call you Mr. X?

MR. X: Yes, that's fine.

FITZGERALD: Why did you approach Robert Novak on the street? Did someone ask you to approach Robert Novak on the street?

MR. X: Yes, someone did.

FITZGERALD (raises eyebrows): Really?

MR. X: Yes. It was my wife. We're from Dubuque, and were visiting Washington, DC, and we were lost near Metro Center, and she insisted that I ask the next pedestrian for directions -- you know how men hate to ask directions, right?

FITZGERALD: Yes, yes, I know. You may leave now, Mr. X. Thanks for your help. And please don't speak to the press about this -- it could, uh, be embarrassing.

MR. X: For me?

FITZGERALD: No, for me.

Wow, No Kidding, AP!

"A Georgian man who threw a live grenade at President Bush hoped to kill him." (AP)

Hilariously Revealing

Hoo boy! Here's the last paragraph of the story referenced below about the growing number of former members of Congress who are now big-time lobbyists:
The study drew its conclusions by tallying lobbying registrations filed with the Senate and the Justice Department. It classified as eligible to lobby lawmakers who did not leave Congress to take other jobs in government or were not incarcerated.
Comedy!

Former Elected Officials Undermine Democracy as Big-Money Lobbyists

Headline of a troubling story about the number of former members of Congress who leave office and become lobbyists: "Hill a Steppingstone to K Street for Some"
A new study has found that 43 percent of the 198 House and Senate members who left government to join private life since 1998 have registered to lobby. Of the 36 senators who left during that period, half have joined the lobbying ranks.

[...] Congressional historians say that lawmakers rarely became lobbyists as recently as two decades ago. They considered the profession to be tainted and unworthy of once-elected officials such as themselves. And lobbying firms and trade groups were leery of hiring former members of Congress because they were reputed to be lazy as lobbyists, unwilling to ask former colleagues for favors.

But that began to change noticeably in the late 1980s. The reasons include sky-high lobbying salaries, a growing demand for lobbying services by industry, heavy turnover in Congress, and a change of control in the House of Representatives a decade ago, which opened the way for a flood of new GOP lobbyists.
Please read the story. It's one of the far-too-invisible forces that is undermining democracy at every turn, and giving even more advantage to those with money.

Truly Amazing, Part MMMMMCCCCXXXX...

KANSAS CITY, Missouri (AP) -- It may be President Bush's nickname for key political adviser Karl Rove, but some editors don't think it belongs in their newspapers. About a dozen papers objected to Tuesday's and Wednesday's "Doonesbury" comic strips, and some either pulled or edited them.
OK, so let's get this straight: Nonstop blood and violence on TV, including FX's shameless new bloodsoaked series about the Iraq War? NO PROBLEM!

Using the president's nickname for Karl Rove, "Turd Blossom," in the newspaper? NAY! SUCH LANGUAGE IS OFFENSIVE! WHAT IF OUR CHILDREN SEE THAT?!?!?!

It is indeed a crazy blue marble, my friends. Crazy. Blue. Marble.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Picture of TV News Ain't Pretty

Kristof:
If only Michael Jackson's trial had been held in Darfur. Last month, CNN, Fox News, NBC, MSNBC, ABC and CBS collectively ran 55 times as many stories about Michael Jackson as they ran about genocide in Darfur.
Oy. An example of print's priorities is here.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Gee, It's Not Like It's a LIFETIME Appointment

The White House on Monday warned Democrats not to make extensive requests for Roberts' legal writings as a lawyer for previous Republican administrations, saying many such documents are "out of bounds."

Why didn't they just nominate a paper bag, then? A lifetime appointment to the highest court requires the closest scrutiny. He has virtually no paper trail as a judge, but he has been a lawyer, and a government lawyer, for quite a long time.

Personally, I'd like to know more about his role advising Jeb Bush during the November, 2000 election mess in Florida.

Indefensible

WASHINGTON, July 23 - Vice President Dick Cheney is leading a White House lobbying effort to block legislation offered by Republican senators that would regulate the detention, treatment and trials of detainees held by the American military.

[...] The legislation, which is still being drafted, includes provisions to bar the military from hiding prisoners from the Red Cross; prohibit cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment of detainees; and use only interrogation techniques authorized in a new Army field manual.

[...] According to Senate officials, Mr. McCain is considering introducing four amendments. One would set standards for interrogating military detainees and would limit them to techniques outlined in a new Army field manual. It would not cover the Central Intelligence Agency.

A second provision would require that all detainees held by the military be registered with the International Committee of the Red Cross. This measures seeks to prevent the holding of unregistered prisoners, or ghost detainees, in Iraq and Afghanistan and at other military sites.

Mr. McCain is also weighing a provision to prohibit the practice of seizing people and sending them abroad for interrogation. This practice has become the subject of mounting international criticism, as some of the countries involved are known to use torture. It has caused a deepening rift between the United States and some of its strongest allies.

Finally, Mr. McCain's amendment would bar cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment of detainees in American custody. This would effectively prohibit not only physical abuse but also practices like placing women's undergarments on the heads of Muslim male prisoners in an effort to humiliate them.

Just in case you've already forgotten the first graf of this story, it said that the White House, led by Vice President Cheney, is lobbying -- hard -- against this bill. A bill to explicitly outlaw torture -- which is already outlawed by a variety of international treaties and agreements to which the United States is a party.

Oh, international law, schminternational schlaw!

Amazing.

From the Times' New "Idiots" Section

Real Estate - Audio Slideshow: "An architect and his wife talk about furnishing their Manhattan apartment with 14 plasma television screens."

Keep in Medicine Cabinet for "Induce Vomiting" Moments

Gross.
In that spirit, the fold-out cover of the new [Regan Press] catalog also features "ripped from the headlines" clips about one of Ms. Regan's favorite subjects: her impending move to Los Angeles.

In announcing the relocation in April, Ms. Regan spoke of her idea to create a sort of literary salon in Hollywood, where television and film executives would meet with authors over cappuccino while Ms. Regan conducted her radio talk show nearby.

Oy, NASA

"No doubt there is some degree of finger crossing." -- A NASA test director on the space agency's plan to launch Discovery tomorrow even though it never identified the cause of the fuel sensor problem from last week.
CUT TO: Shuttle astronauts eating meal before boarding craft

ASTRONAUT 1: Well, thank goodness they'll be crossing their fingers as they light those solid rocket boosters that can't be turned off.

ASTRONAUT 2: Yeah, that's good enough for me! Because billions of dollars of technology should always rely on crossed fingers to work properly! Especially when there are seven lives on the line!
(And I'm a big supporter of the space program. Erg.)

SFX: Sound of 16 Galloping, Apocalyptic Hooves

CNN.com: "Jennifer Aniston love letters to be auctioned"

Friday, July 22, 2005

CUT TO: Skyrocketing Sales of DeTox Tea

In the largest study of chemical exposure ever conducted on human beings, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported Thursday that most American children and adults were carrying in their bodies dozens of pesticides and toxic compounds used in consumer products, many of them linked to potential health threats.
Erg.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

CHENEY: "Let Them Eat Imaginary Yellowcake"

Some priorities, please.
LONDON, England (AP) -- About 3.6 million people face starvation in the West African nation of Niger unless the international community responds urgently to the food crisis there, the aid agency Oxfam said Thursday.

Niger, one of the poorest countries in the world, was devastated by an invasion of locusts that ate everything green last year and was then hit by drought that lasted until earlier this month. The U.N.'s humanitarian chief, Jan Egeland, said earlier this week that 2.5 million people in landlocked Niger were in desperate need of food after the world community ignored U.N. appeals for urgent aid. Oxfam estimated that almost one million children were at risk.
(P.S. OK, Cheney didn't really say that. I confess.)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Congratulations, White House Communications Team!

From Google News at 9:52 p.m.

"Interest Groups Begin Roberts Battle" (all 3,496 related »)
"Feds: Media Shield Bad Public Policy" (all 148 related »)
"President Calls on Congress to Renew Patriot Act Provisions" (all 119 related »)

Translation: The Supreme Court nomination has bumped the leaked CIA agent story off the front page -- almost any page -- and may also allow the president and Congress to push through renewal of the Patriot Act with few if any changes (though one terrible change may be an end to the requirement that the government report to Congress when it employs certain Patriot Act provisions. Oh, and another terrible change? Sen. Pat Roberts' version of renewal would make all parts of the Patriot Act permanent.).

This is, in a Word, Creepy

The government is opposing a federal shield law for journalists -- already law in 31 states and DC -- by saying it will hamper its ability to fight terrorism. Yet again, "fighting terrorism" is being deployed to enhance secrecy and undermine democracy by disempowering what remains of a free press.

But Not for the Violence

Per last Sunday's column on violence, a new rating for "Grand Theft Auto" -- but because of the sex, not the outrageous violence:
The sex scenes, inserted in a game whose main character seeks bloody vengeance on gang-filled streets while pickup scantily clad women, had prompted outrage from parent's groups and politicians including Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-New York. (emphasis mine)
Read the article.

Attention Wall Street Analysts: Go to Hell!

This is an interesting story about Costco and its chief executive, who insists on compensating employees well and not being over-compensated himself. I don't know everything about Costco -- surely many of its products are coming from factories around the world that don't treat employess as well -- but it's an interesting story to read.

Here's the remarkable quote from a Wall Street analyst, Emme Kozloff, an analyst at Sanford C. Bernstein & Company, who thinks the company is too "generous" with employees -- you know, the people who make the company (and its profits) possible:
"He has been too benevolent," she said. "He's right that a happy employee is a productive long-term employee, but he could force employees to pick up a little more of the burden." (my emphasis added)
And that's for a company already trading at 23 times earnings, where employees and customers are happy -- 44.6 million Americans, a whopping one in five adults, has a Costco card. A Wall Street analyst -- indeed, anyone in America -- who uses the phrase "force employees to pick up a little more of the burden" should be chased out of the country.

Truly Important Death Penalty Case

Pursued by a brave, responsible prosecutor.
Prompted by questions raised in a report by the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, the prosecutor, Jennifer Joyce, hopes to decide once and for all whether Mr. Griffin was guilty or innocent - though she acknowledges that 25 years later it may be hard to do more than show the flaws in the earlier prosecution.

Still, should Ms. Joyce, the St. Louis circuit attorney, demonstrate Mr. Griffin was not the killer, as the report and even some members of the victim's family contend, it would be the first proven execution of an innocent person, so far as death penalty advocates or opponents can recall.

Like Last Fall's $142 Billion Corporate Tax Cut!

"At home, we're doing everything we can to protect the American people." -- President George W. Bush, July 20, 2005.

Any Working People Get to "Vet the Nominee List" ?

Ever wonder how Supreme Court justices are chosen after a democracy becomes a plutocracy? Here's how!
Even with that antitrust case on his record, Roberts' conservative record is one that businesses are expected to strongly support.

"If business had serious objections to him, he wouldn't have been nominated," said Greg Valliere, political economist with Stanford Washington Research Group.

In fact, the Bush administration reportedly did go over its potential nominees with business groups in an effort to build support for what is likely to be a bruising confirmation battle over social issues such as abortion and right to die.

"He has recent experience in business cases. He writes very careful, narrowly crafted opinions. And he's a very smart person who is not committed to his ideology. You are in a room with him and he exudes good judgment," appellate attorney Robert Gasaway told the Wall Street Journal. Gasaway, who's with Kirkland & Ellis, has helped business groups vet the nominee list.
CUT TO: Working people, corporate fist, fade to black...

Truly Amazing, But Predictable

For the last few days, we've heard much commentary that the president would speed-up his Supreme Court nomination to move the Rove/Plame story out of the news. Innumerable media reports noted this bit of political strategy.

So what happened? Just 24 hours after the Rove story appeared on the front pages of the nation's newspapers -- and not without merit, since the story, after all, is about political retribution, perhaps illegal, perhaps even treasonous, against someone who accurately criticized the falsehoods advanced in the march to war -- it has vanished. Not on the front page of the New York Times, Boston Globe, or, ahem, Berkshire Eagle this morning (the Eagle had not even a paragraph about Rove in its front section, other than my op-ed column about it, "Defending Rove: The Movie"). And right now, according to Google News, there are twice as many Supreme Court stories on newspaper web sites as Rove-related stories.

Not to suggest that the SC nomination isn't critically important, of course. But the very idea that the media could so quickly drop one major story (about a war based on fabrications) for another is remarkable. And, as it has many times in the last four-plus years, it plays perfectly into the communications strategy of the White House.

Here's the slogan I'm going to put on a t-shirt: "The Media: Played Like a Drum Since January 20, 2001."

FYI: Right now there is no Rove/Plame coverage on the home page of CNN.com, nytimes.com, or washingtonpost.com.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Hey, Let's Just Quote Wall Street Economists...

... and not examine what's happening to real people.
June marked the ninth time in the last 12 months that employer payrolls came in weaker than forecasts. The 146,000 jobs added last month is barely enough to keep up with growth in the labor force, according to most economists, and it trailed the average increase of about 172,000 jobs a month added over the last 12 months.
How, pray tell, can the unemployment rate drop if the number of jobs created doesn't even keep up with the growth in the labor market? Oh, I remember: It's because the "unemployment rate" doesn't tally people who have given up looking for work, but they never seem to mention that in these terribly written news stories. [SHEIN BROKEN RECORD ALERT!] The stats we use -- and that the media slavishly report -- are just meaningless to working people. They are only good for hiding what's really going on.

Plus, more people working crappy jobs for crappy pay with few if any benefits -- BTW, the increase in average hourly rate is only barely keeping pace with inflation -- should not be lauded.

Jerks.

FYI: There Are No Civilian Casualties in Iraq.

This is truly outrageous. (from USA Today)
Some have questioned whether Bush's strategy to fight the terrorists abroad so "we do not have to face them at home" is working when terrorists are planting bombs on London's public transportation. Great Britain is a key member of the U.S.-led coalition in Iraq.

Bush's homeland security adviser, Fran Townsend, defended the strategy during an interview on "Fox News Sunday." The war in Iraq, she said, attracts terrorists there "where we have a fighting military and a coalition that can take them on and not have the sort of civilian casualties that you saw in London." (emphasis mine)
What a jerk.

America: What's Really Happening

From today's NYT story about how most workers' income is flat, at best, while corporate profits skyrocket and senior executives cash in.
"Even as the average worker's wages are stuck in neutral, corporate profits, professionals' incomes, gains from investments and executive compensation - the kind that frequently comes in the form of stock options - are all surging, supporting healthy gains in the economy.

"Profit has roughly doubled in the last year on revenue growth of about 40 percent," said Alex Mann, co-owner of
Clicktime.com, a company in San Francisco that sells time-sheet applications over the Internet. "The top-line growth was very satisfying. There's been very strong growth in the amount left for compensation of the owners and for profits." (emphasis mine)
CUT TO: Rippling muscles on the backs of American working people, who are sacrificing to enhance corporate profits.

This is yet another example of how today's economic statistics (number of jobs created, economic "growth", etc.) don't reflect what's really going on with working families. What good are so-called "healthy gains" in the economy if working people aren't sharing in the bounty? We already know that when that happens, it spurs even more economic growth.

Now Fedexing a Copy of "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" to the RNC...

Aside from representing yet another attempt to defend an invasion based on lies and deception, there's an important question raised by this document published by the Republican Party (to distract from the brewing Karl Rove matter): Who's in charge of capitalization rules at the RNC?

Oh, another thing: How many soldiers did Joe Wilson send into battle based on the aforementioned lies and deception? Really? It was zero? Oh. Just asking.

This Just In from Internet Explorer!

"We can't find www.tomknowspsychiatry.com."

CUT TO: Shein zipping over to godaddy.com to register that puppy.

CUT TO: Shein selling tomknowspsychiatry.com for $1 million to Rip Van Winkleowski, this dude who has been asleep since 1994 and is only now discovering the Internet!

"NERDZ! The Musical" Casting Call!

According to my new favorite Web site, mugglenet.com, there are precisely 1 day(s), 8 hours, 38 minutes, and 7 seconds until the new Harry Potter book is out.

No, wait! Four seconds. Three! One!

Here's a great excerpt from a Reuters story about people who pre-ordered the Harry Potter book getting emails suggesting they may not get their copies on time:

Amazon.com spokeswoman Patricia Smith said a few thousand customers mistakenly received the notices. "It was a complete goof on our end," Smith said. "I don't know if it was human error or computer error, but the bottom line is, it was an error."

Still, some fans weren't convinced their books would arrive quickly enough.

"I got one of those e-mails," reads one post on fan Web site mugglenet.com. "I'm getting a second copy at midnight just in case, because if it doesn't arrive I'm canceling my transaction. I'm still furious."
P.S. It's not my new favorite Web site. I was totally kidding. Because my new favorite Web site is actually www.tomknowspsychiatry.edu