The Wisdom of the American People

"Two-thirds of Americans say no nation should have nuclear weapons, including the U.S., and most of the others say no more countries should get them."

Amen to that.

More Google News-ing on "Pro-Life" Issues

At 10:03 p.m. ET:

"U.S. Court Again Rejects Schiavo Appeal" (all 3,349 related>>)
"1,000 Feared Dead in Indonesian Quake" (all 975 related>>)
"British Report Says Darfur Death Toll Underestimated" (all 238 related>>)
"UN: Earth's Sustainability Not at All Guaranteed" (all 171 related>>)
"Children Starving in 'New' Iraq" (all 63 related>>)
"A Look at U.S. Deaths in Iraq" (all 41 related>>)

Unreal, eh?

Not really, no

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to crochet beautiful clothing, accessories, or gifts in a matter of only hours -- or even minutes? Best-selling author and former president of the American Craft Council, Rita Weiss, can show you how! Make a baby cardigan with matching hat in eight hours. Create the perfect little black purse in just three hours. And in just 45 minutes you can show off your cozy faux mink headband!" -- From an insert in my most recent Book-of-the-Month Club mailing.

Actually, that doesn't sound like much fun.

I Hope Everyone's Okay!

Wow, there must've been a flood or tornado or power outage in the Associated Press office where this story was written and edited. What else could explain why it makes no mention of how the president's "town hall meetings" are entirely phony -- featuring nothing but friendly crowds invited by the GOP and local business groups, not to mention a stage full of pre-screened "questioners." I hope AP gets the damage repaired soon so it can make sure it doesn't again fall victim to the president's PR machine. And, again, I hope no one was hurt when the office was damaged.

Oh, and here's a sign of how open the president is to opposing viewpoints.

Thus Saving Millions of Relationships!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- A new chemical compound, part-cat and part-human, may provide an end to misery-making cat allergies, U.S. researchers reported Sunday.

Of course, such mixing of cat and human DNA could lead to the accidental creation of some kind of mutant person-cat that might go crazy, reproduce like mad, and take over the planet. But maybe that's just the scenario promoted by the company that currently makes cat allergy shots.

Splotchy vs. Splotchier?

CNN: "Patrick Kennedy considers taking on Chafee"

"Left Hand? Meet Right Hand!"

"Terrible human rights record? Meet Pakistan's new F-16s! Pakistan's new F-16s? Say hello to my friend 'terrible human rights record!' "

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The State Department renewed its criticism of the human rights records of Pakistan and China on Monday in a report that followed U.S. decisions to arm Pakistan with jet fighters and to avoid a showdown with China on the way it treats its people.

Nice!

Understatement, uh, "heavy"

"It's designed for people who like to start the day with a hearty breakfast," said Denny Post, chief product officer at Burger King.

He's talking about Burger King's new Enormous Omelet Sandwich, a full 730 calories and 47 grams of fat to start your day. Let the widening of America(ns) continue!

Addicted to Google News

Okay, I must stop comparing the coverage of the Schiavo fiasco with, you know, other events around the world where people are dying. But it's hard to look at the priorities reflected in these numbers and feel anything other than shame and disgust:

"Sudan Arrests 15 for Darfur Violence" (all 55 related>>)
"Schiavo's Parents Dealing with Reality" (all 3,852 related>>)

Tres Amusante

From The Times of India, this is funny for all sorts of reasons -- largely because of its straight reporting of the 10 Commandments.

LONDON -- Prince Charles will say sorry to his bride's former husband for breaking up their marriage, before he finally weds Camilla Parker-Bowles, a leading bishop has revealed. The latest episode adds yet another soap-opera dimension to the most blue-blooded pairing of adulterers in history.

[...] On Sunday, Charles' office declined to deny reports he would be saying sorry for breaking two of the 10 commandments given by God to the people of Israel at Mount Sinai. Charles' aides responded to questions with the words, "It is a private matter. We would not comment."

The seventh commandment enjoins God-fearing people not to commit adultery. The 10th commandment warns a man not to covet his neighbour's house, wife, male servant, female servant, ox or donkey.

Hee!

"Pro-life," indeed...

"Pentagon Will Not Try 17 G.I.'s Involved in Prisoner Deaths"

P.S. Latest embarrassing Google News numbers:

"Pentagon Will Not Try 17 G.I.'s Involved in Prisoner Deaths" (all 215 related>>)
"Schiavo's Parents Dealt Another Court Loss" (all 5,615 related>>)

P.P.S. The story of the U.S. soldiers killed today in Iraq and Afghanistan is not being reported enough to even qualify for the "Top News" or "World News" sections. Pathetic.

And on, and on, and on...

Google News update at 1:08 pm ET:

"Three U.S. Soldiers Killed in Iraq" (see 76 related>>)
"Judge Refuses to Order Feeding Tube Reconnected" (see 5,516 related>>)

"Laugher," indeed...

From one of the president's recent "town hall meetings" on Social Security -- which are hilariously scripted for a pre-screened audience with pre-screened panelists.

THE PRESIDENT: Let me ask you something about the Thrift Savings Plan. This is a Thrift Savings Plan that has a mix of stocks and bonds?

MS. WEBSTER: Yes, sir.

THE PRESIDENT: Now, how hard was that to learn how to do that?

MS. WEBSTER: And I chose the safe plan, government bonds. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: That's all right. Well, not so safe, unless we fix the deficit. But other than that -- (laughter). We're fixing the deficit. (Applause.)

Not sure what that final "applause" was for -- the president's slip of the tongue on the impact of his tax-cut-fueled deficits, or his claim to be "fixing the deficit." Of course, the word "fixing" is also hilariously revealing. The fix is in, eh? Watch out, working Americans!

Hilarious Attempt at Spin

From the president:

"More people are working now in America than ever before in our nation's history, and that's good."

Thanks, population growth! Way to go, failure of abstinence-only sex-ed programs!

CUT TO: Growing number of people working in low-wage, benefits-free, dead-end jobs.

Truly Remarkable

The latest aggregation of news judgement, courtesy of Google News, at 9:21 a.m. on Saturday, March 26:

"Schiavo's Parents Say She Tried to Speak" (all 5,710 related>>)
"Four U.S. Soldiers Killed by Mine in Afghanistan" (all 73 related>>)

What a tragedy for the Schiavos (Terri, Michael, and all family members) and the nation that this has unfolded this way. And what an indictment of our political system -- actually, of our democracy, made up of our broken political structures as well as a free press meant to hold it accountable and keep us informed of important events.

Meanwhile, a few people were arrested yesterday for plotting to kill Michael Shiavo and the Florida judge who has ruled on his wife's case. "It's about defending life," indeed.

The Sad State of Global Media

At 8:35 pm on Friday night, March 25, 2005, this is how Google News summarized the collective news judgement of 4,500 news sources in America:

"Schiavo's Parents Press On" (all 5,839 related>>)
"Bush Agress to Sell F-16s to Pakistan" (all 472 related>>)
"US Pushes for Firmer, Faster Action on Darfur Crisis (all 364 related>>)
"Attacks Claim 15 as Iraq Insurgents Strike Back" (all 222 related>>)
"Carter to Head Commission Examining US Electoral System" (all 41 related>>)

Now, I have no beef with journalists who criticize the Google News crawler, but let's face it: This is a pretty startling example of what choices today's editors are making. And it's no surprise, then, that politicians rush to things like the Schiavo case, knowing they'll get huge coverage of their absurd, politically-motivated pronouncements.

After reviewing this list of news coverage, and reflecting on the news judgement it suggests, I feel the need to take a cleansing shower. Yuck.

America: We Arm the World!

Just amazing. When will we learn? (From The New York Times):

[State Department spokesman J. Adam] Ereli described the sale as part of a wide-reaching effort "to improve security and improve prosperity and improve development" in the Subcontinent and surrounding region. He emphasized that the United States would gladly consider requests from India as well as Pakistan - both of which have nuclear weapons - to buy arms.

Indeed, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice visited both India and Pakistan earlier this month, and there were reports that she had signaled American willingness to sell F-16's to both Pakistan and to India, if India wanted them. Pakistan's ambassador to Washington, Jehangir Karamat, was reported to have told American officials last month that Pakistan would not object to India's buying the jets if Pakistan also had access to them.

So we're selling arms to both sides. In a region that was inches from nuclear war just a handful of years ago. And we're claiming it will "improve security and improve prosperity and improve development."

To keep a straight face while claiming that outcome, Ereli must have received dozens of Botox shots to the face.

Bookmark this post for the inevitable blowback story a few years from now -- when American-made weapons are aimed right back at young Americans!

Um, right

CNN marketing slogan: "CNN: The Most Trusted Name in News"
Headline on CNN.com right now: " 'Idol' Eliminates Another Hopeful"

I'm watching you, CNN! (And it ain't pretty).

Attach Reality Blinders ... NOW!

Thanks for the Social Security "news" update, folks! But where's the incredibly supportive quote from "Karen Ryan"? And check out the record-setting use of initial caps in the headlines ... no copy of Strunk & White around, boys?

White House Press Corps = Lame

Sometimes I just hate the WH press corps. Unbelievably lame. It is continuing, with only rare exceptions, to roll over on this outrageous "no follow-up questions" thing. As in:

REPORTER: (Asks the rare, decent question).
BUSH: (Responds with empty platitudes and tangentially-related information).
REPORTER: (Tries to follow up)
BUSH (chuckling): "Sorry, you know the rules, [INSERT NAME OF 'CUTE' NICKNAME]"
PRESS CORPS: (Chuckles along with Bush)

CUT TO: End of American democracy

We need something like the "Prime Minister's Questions" they have across the pond. Not that those British dudes and dudettes don't play to the cameras, but if we ever hope to separate politics and government from increasingly corporate-PR-like "news management" and "communications strategies" we need to try something. Anything.

Whew!

Good news, everyone! The Pentagon says The Pentagon is not responsible for the Abu Ghraib scandal. Or, by extension, anything else bad, ever!

The whole "torture" thing must have been a result of those flying alien monkeys who have been mucking up our careful war planning. Damn you, flying alien monkeys!

Just Plain Hilarious

From yesterday's Washington Post "D.C. Animal Watch"

Cat Ungrateful for Assistance
B ST. SE, 4900 block, Feb. 25.

A woman called animal control about a large cat sitting atop a fence with a ravioli can stuck on its head. An officer removed the can, and the cat looked at the officer, hissed loudly and ran away.

Oh, Lawyers Schmoyers!

Thanks, N.R.A.! We certainly don't want to keep track of people -- even terrorism suspects -- who are buying guns. The whole "War on Terror" is all fine and good, but let's not get carried away. We should continue to destroy those gun applications in 24 hours, because, uh, well, I'm sure it makes sense, right? I must not know enough about the issue. Yeah, that's it. Guns aren't the problem, folks. Or bullets. It's, uh, well, it's probably something to do with those damn Hollywood liberals!

Terror Suspects Buying Firearms, U.S. Report Finds

"The legal debate over how gun records are used became particularly contentious months after the Sept. 11 attacks, when it was disclosed that the Justice Department and John Ashcroft, then the attorney general, had blocked the F.B.I. from using the gun-buying records to match against some 1,200 suspects who were detained as part of the Sept. 11 investigation. Mr. Ashcroft maintained that using the records in a criminal investigation would violate the federal law that created the system for instant background gun checks, but Justice Department lawyers who reviewed the issue said they saw no such prohibition."