Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Maximum Hilarity

How did Richard Hatch possibly think he would get away with not paying taxes on a million dollars that he won, you know, on prime time television? Nutty.

For good-time fun, read the news story, and then go to the official Richard Hatch Web site, which is -- amazingly -- still online. It's got a rotating photo album on the home page that makes the site seem like an ad for a "Showtime After Dark" movie or maybe a low-rent dating service.

Absolutely Unbelievable

So the president's pitch to African-Americans on the need for private Social Security accounts is this: Black people don't live as long as everyone else, so they end up paying in more and getting less out. So private accounts would enable them to pass the savings on to their families. You know, according to compassionate conservative and White House spokesman Scott McClellan:

"African-American males have a -- have had a shorter life span than other sectors of America," said White House press secretary Scott McClellan. "And this will enable them to build a nest egg of their own and be able to pass that nest egg on to their survivors."
First, and importantly, is that this is just patently, 100% false. Yes, African-Americans have a shorter life expectancy, but the -- to coin a phrase -- "fuzzy math" the president is using is wrong and deceptive:
Bush didn't make up this phony line on his own; it comes from the Heritage Foundation, which a number of years ago did a study purporting to show that because African-Americans have a shorter life expectancy than whites, they get less in return for the taxes they pay into the Social Security system.

But when the Heritage study was examined by actuaries at the Social Security Administration and by the Government Accountability Office, serious methodological flaws and numerous bad assumptions were uncovered. (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)
But perhaps even more importantly, here's a crazy thought: How about addressing things like poverty, economic opportunity, poor education, poor health care, and the other factors that lead to shorter life-expectancy for black Americans? You know, instead of using this failure of our public policy to advance a partisan, ideological outcome on Social Security.

Truly amazing.

What's next? People who eat bacon are more likely to have heart disease, so all bacon-eaters should support this privatization/phase-out scheme? How about sky divers?

Friday, January 21, 2005

But Will UPS Deliver There?

This sentence is one of my favorite sentences of all time -- words two through nine are the just bestest clause EVAH! Thanks, Reuters!

SpongeBob, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, was "outed" by the U.S. media in 2002 after reports that the TV show and its merchandise was popular with gays. [emphasis added]
Here's the full text.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Inauguration Protests Beginning?

Or something else entirely?
"Shuffling slowly but smoothly, huge crowds of people have hurled pebbles at pillars representing Satan, symbolically stoning the devil in a final ritual of their pilgrimage."
Here's the story.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Worst Job at Inaugural?

This might be it. Oh, to be young and an idealistic volunteer...

CUT TO: Inaugural Committee volunteer training session

VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR: "And everyone will get to do really IMPORTANT things that help ensure a successful inauguration of the president! And therefore, a successful second term. You're the best volunteers in the world!"
CUT TO: Close up of woman who later appears in this picture, looking at everyone else at the training session and barely able to control her excitement.

Survey Says? Headline=Hilarious!

Check it -- a CNN.com headline right now:
Poll: Nation split on Bush as uniter or divider
Oh dear Lord that made me laugh. It's either an intentional gag by a wry headline writer, or an unintentional goof by a tired headline writer.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Coming Soon: Reason Gone Mad Store

By this time next week, look for the new Reason Gone Mad online shoppe - your humor, peace, and justice superstore! In the meantime, there are a few goodies in the January 2009 store, including the incredibly timely "January 20, 2009: Countdown to Sanity" wall clock.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Marketing Social Security Reform

By now you've certainly read news accounts of efforts by the president and his team to SCARE and FRIGHTEN people into believing that Social Security is in CRISIS at this VERY MOMENT! Oh my God! RUN! There is a DANGEROUSLY INSOLVENT SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM BEARING DOWN ON YOU RIGHT NOW!

Ahem. (I've written about Social Security a bit here and here.)

According to reports the last few days, they've -- I'm shocked, shocked! -- begun to deploy the Social Security Administration to sell this fiction in every way possible: Via official government publications, Social Security's own web site, mental telepathy, smoke signals, skywriting, and so on. Will it be long before everyone who receives a Social Security check finds something like this in their mailbox?

The NEW Social Security Check

As we've learned over the past three years and 362 days, anything's possible with this crowd.


Le blog est arrive! Le blog est arrive!

The blog has arrived! The blog has arrived! Still trying to tweak a few things ...
CUT TO: Bill reading "HTML for People Who Can't Quite Figure Out the 'For Dummies' Books"
For some reason, this page sorta flashes between the white background and reasongonemad.com's lovely grey background every time you click into the blog. I suspect this is because of a style sheet conflict between Blogger and this site.
SFX: People screaming, "Nerd! Dork! Dweeb!"
I'll keep working on it. If anyone has a clue, please post a comment with instructions for fixin' it. Gracias!