My Voting Experience

Looking for the most boring story of voting on November 4, 2008? Well, you've come to the right place, friend.

Here in my (very) little town in western Massachusetts, we have a total population of 507 and just 374 registered voters. We have one polling place. It's at the town hall (adjacent to the "transfer station," which is what used to be called "the dump" in simpler, less Al Gore-friendly times). To call the atmosphere anything other than "very, very quiet and dull" would be a lie.

After signing in by announcing my street address, I received a ballot and walked over to a little voting cubby. I made a big pencil "X" next to my candidates of choice, and voted on a few ballot initiatives: Decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, eliminate the state income tax, and end dog racing in the state. However, dogs caught smoking pot will still face jail time, especially if they owe back taxes.

In my town we vote on big paper ballots that are placed into the old, wooden ballot box via a slot and a crank that's turned by a town official. It rings a bell, "It's a Wonderful Life" style, as the ballot disappears into the box and grants votes for your candidate (and wings for an angel).

There were no "I Voted!" stickers this year, but there were doughnut holes and jelly beans. Because nothing says "American democracy" more than enjoyment of a fatty, sugary treat, right?

I did have to wait in line to vote -- for the first time ever. How long? I didn't time it, but it may have been as much as 90 seconds. Ninety seconds! That kind of a line is a sure sign of record turnout here in the hills of western Massachusetts, my friends. And as western Massachusetts goes, so goes the, um, well. Nothing. Nothing goeas as western Massachusetts. Except by chance.

Happy Election Day!