What To Do With $340 Million?

(Heard 1,000,000,000,000,000 times today in workplaces across America)

ALRIGHT! WOO HOO! I just bought a $1.00 PowerBall ticket that IS SO TOTALLY GOING TO WIN! I am COMPLETELY SURE OF IT!

Seriously, like, when I win the giant PowerBall jackpot, dude, like, I'm TOTALLY not coming to work tomorrow! No, wait. I AM coming to work, but only to tell that jerk boss of ours to STICK IT! Yeah, that'll learn him! And then I'll get in my limo (rented, b/c I will not have picked up the money yet, and might just wait a few weeks to get the media into a frenzy of, like, "Who won the giant jackpot and why hasn't he or she come forward? Because of an outstanding arrest warrant?") and drive around town hanging out the sunroof like a prom-goer, looking like an idiot, BUT I WON'T CARE, because I'll have just won $340 MILLION!

Then, like, I'm going to buy everyone I know A FREAKING HOUSE, and the NEW CORVETTE, and then I'm going to VEGAS, BABY! Woo freaking hoo!

And then, of course, a few hours later I'll be broke, after betting it all on red 34, and then back at work the next morning. So maybe I should have put the $1.00 into my IRA instead. Yeah. Shoulda done that.........

............JUST KIDDING, MAN! I'm going to be so rich, and the ladeez are going to be ALL OVER ME, and I'll light cigars with hundred-dollar bills, and, and, and

SFX: Sound of intercom beeping, someone picking up phone handset

Yeah, boss. I'll be right there. Yes. No problem. I'm on it. Sorry. Really, I'm sorry. Won't happen again, sir. Thank you, sir. I understand. No, sir, I appreciate it. You're nice to do that, sir. Yes, I know you could fire me. Right. Okay. Thank you.

SFX: Sound of phone hanging up, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence, following by a mumbled, "Shit."

SFX: Sound of nearby co-workers laughing and laughing and laughing. And laughing.