Sad Al Gore

Been looking for something that will remind you to save energy? Well, say hello to Sad Al Gore Conservation Reminder Stickers.

Dick Cavett, The Master

On Sarah Palin:

"It’s admittedly a rare gift to produce a paragraph in which whole clumps of words could be removed without noticeably affecting the sense, if any."

Perhaps We Might?

Latest column is up: Perhaps We Might?

It's a tongue-in-cheek (what else do I do, right?) look at the effort to "tamp down expectations" for President Obama. You know, after a long campaign of, um, raising expectations.

Joke Making the Rounds...

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”

The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.” The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.” The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.” The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.” The Marine, somewhat agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?”

The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, yes, I understand. I just love hearing it.”

McCain's 'Path to Victory'

Latest column, spoofing them silly "news" channels like MSNBC...

No Comment Required

This just makes me laugh for no particular reason. (Thanks to JG.)

Obama Newspaper Front Pages

Some of you may know that the Newseum posts hundreds of images each day showing the front page of newspapers from around the country. So it you want to see the historic front pages from November 5, with big headlines about Barack Obama's victory, you may do so here.

Take your pick; there are many pretty nifty photos and Obama headlines. And some of the smaller papers have amusing stories down below the fold. This Alabama paper features a story about the kicker from a local high school team who also doubles as a drummer in the marching band. Historic!

My Voting Experience

Looking for the most boring story of voting on November 4, 2008? Well, you've come to the right place, friend.

Here in my (very) little town in western Massachusetts, we have a total population of 507 and just 374 registered voters. We have one polling place. It's at the town hall (adjacent to the "transfer station," which is what used to be called "the dump" in simpler, less Al Gore-friendly times). To call the atmosphere anything other than "very, very quiet and dull" would be a lie.

After signing in by announcing my street address, I received a ballot and walked over to a little voting cubby. I made a big pencil "X" next to my candidates of choice, and voted on a few ballot initiatives: Decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, eliminate the state income tax, and end dog racing in the state. However, dogs caught smoking pot will still face jail time, especially if they owe back taxes.

In my town we vote on big paper ballots that are placed into the old, wooden ballot box via a slot and a crank that's turned by a town official. It rings a bell, "It's a Wonderful Life" style, as the ballot disappears into the box and grants votes for your candidate (and wings for an angel).

There were no "I Voted!" stickers this year, but there were doughnut holes and jelly beans. Because nothing says "American democracy" more than enjoyment of a fatty, sugary treat, right?

I did have to wait in line to vote -- for the first time ever. How long? I didn't time it, but it may have been as much as 90 seconds. Ninety seconds! That kind of a line is a sure sign of record turnout here in the hills of western Massachusetts, my friends. And as western Massachusetts goes, so goes the, um, well. Nothing. Nothing goeas as western Massachusetts. Except by chance.

Happy Election Day!

Voting: It's What's For Dinner!

(Sent to the Reason Gone Mad e-mail list today. Not on the list? Want to be? Click here.)

Hi all,

Just (yet another) friendly reminder to cast your vote today and make your voice heard.

Those of you who have endured these occasional emails since the launch of my "Daily Buzzsaw" humor column on AOL in 1996 are well aware of my interest in, and activism on behalf of, improving our electoral system.

(By the way, as of today there are 23,000 of you on this e-mail list, and I expect to receive a holiday gift from each of you. Preferably cash. Or, considering our economic problems, perhaps gold would be better right about now. Yes, send gold. And canned food. And toilet paper. Hurry!)

From protecting and expanding the right to vote, to updating our aging structures of democracy, to simply improving the administration of elections, I am a "small d" democrat through and through. I believe that broad and representative civic participation is a prerequisite to sensible policy and effective government.

While today's level of voter participation may reach historic levels (close to 65 percent turnout, some predict), let's not forget that fully one-quarter of eligible Americans are still unregistered. Their voices remain absent today. Clearly, many obstacles still stand in the way of universal voter registration.

A majority of Americans also live in states that, because of the outdated and unnecessary electoral college system, are largely irrelevant in choosing a president -- regardless of party affiliation or political views. And that's why voter participation will be substantially higher in the handful of so-called "battleground" states: Voters there know their ballot really matters today. It's long past time for a national popular vote for president, and my work on that issue continues.

We can, and must, do far better if we want to ensure truly responsive government and national priorities that match those of the people. In 2009 and beyond, democracy reform must be on the agenda.

Of course, I remain convinced of the value of humor to raise questions, highlight political absurdities, and present ideas in an engaging and thought-provoking way.

Regardless of the outcome today, I have complete confidence that we'll have no shortage of political absurdities in the months and years to come. And you can take that to the bank -- if your bank is still in business, that is.

Thanks for the ongoing conversation. And here’s to our system that enables the peaceful transfer of power, however imperfect and in need of improvement it may be.

Onward,
Bill

New Column: "If Obama Wins..."

Those of you on Sen. Obama's e-mail list may soon get a post-election missive that looks like this.